tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64087999107560424682023-11-17T20:52:58.603-07:00LegalMistI be a lawyer, you be the judge....LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.comBlogger357125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-33488304207751167302017-04-17T02:22:00.002-07:002017-04-17T02:22:22.311-07:00My ex hacked into my blogHe thinks I care. I don't.LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-23769363174661284072017-03-24T23:40:00.000-07:002017-03-24T23:42:33.136-07:00Single Again!We finally reached an agreement and submitted the consent decree to the judge on March 6. She signed it in record time on March 8. (Usually judges take 3 to 6 weeks to get around to signing a consent decree.)<br />
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I am single again!! <br />
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We closed on the sale of my interest in the marital home to the ex-husband. I got the cash for my half of the equity. I made an offer on a townhouse on Monday. After a couple of counteroffers, the seller and I agreed on a price and, if all goes as planned, I will officially be a homeowner again on April 20. <br />
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I can move out of here on April 22!!<br />
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Life is good!LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-11013163883268957902017-02-18T01:16:00.000-07:002017-02-18T01:16:50.968-07:00Update re: divorce statusThings were rough--really rough--for a while. We are still living in the same house while trying to separate our lives. It is not easy. But we are both too stubborn to move out. I have my reasons, he has his. Both of us are right. Both of us are wrong. As in the rest of our marriage, there is no easy way to resolve the conflict. So here we both stay. In separate rooms. Trying to be civil to each other. Both wishing the other would just leave already.<br />
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He is going to buy the house and pay me for my part of the equity. Despite a too-low appraisal, we have finally agreed on an amount that he will pay to me for me to sign the house over to him. Once the cash-out refi/sale closes, I can use my part of the equity money for a down payment to buy a new house. He thinks I should move out immediately and permanently because he is buying the house. I think he should move out temporarily while I pack my stuff and prepare to move, both so that I have easy access and time to pack and because all the bills are in my name and I don't think he can afford to pay them all, and I can't afford to rent somewhere else to live and also pay toward his living expenses here. He could, for example, move into his mom's or his friend's spare bedroom, probably cheaply or for free. I would have to rent an apartment.<br />
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But things are a little better lately. We almost have all of the terms of the consent decree worked out. We are coparenting reasonably effectively, as always. And finally, he is able to talk to me about issues without assuming that (as a lawyer who used to do divorce law) I am automatically trying to screw him over at every turn. He seems to have finally accepted that I am actually trying to be fair to both of us, but that we might occasionally disagree about what is "fair."<br />
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He also seems to have finally understood that he, too, will have the potential for far greater happiness than he has had in recent years after the divorce is final.<br />
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Progress. I am so happy for it! LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-55682725399231129132016-12-19T20:47:00.001-07:002016-12-19T20:47:22.838-07:00I Will Suffer in the Future for Being Glad About This Because Karma Is a Bitch
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I believe I have mentioned before that I like to drive fast. Usually about 10 mph over the
speed limit.</span><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So a few days ago, when I was driving the <a href="http://legalmist.blogspot.com/2016/09/the-spider.html">midlife crisis mobile</a> from Phoenix to Flagstaff to pick up LegalMist's daughter for the holiday break, I was
very sad when, about 20 miles north of Phoenix, I came up behind a Highway
Patrol officer and had to slow down and drive behind him, going “only” 75 mph
(which was the speed limit).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">About 70 slow and frustrating miles later, I was still
driving right at the speed limit behind the Highway Patrol car, when a gray car
came zooming up behind me and passed me on the right and was about to pass the
car in front of me, too, when he suddenly realized that it was a Highway Patrol
car, so he slowed down and got in line behind the cop but in front of me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">About 30 slow and frustrating miles after that, Gray Car Guy
just couldn’t take the “slow” pace any longer. He passed the cop, slowly,
on the right. Then sped up a little. No lights. Sped up a
little more. Still no lights. But the cop was maintaining the same
pace as Gray Car Guy. And I was going slightly slower, but not a lot,
staying behind the Highway Patrol car and watching to see how this played out.
Gray Car Guy sped up a bit more (probably doing about 85-90 by now), and the
cop turned on his lights and pulled him over.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I felt a little bad for Gray Car Guy--but if I’m honest, I
was really glad, because I got to be a speed demon the rest of the way to
Flagstaff, secure in the knowledge that the Highway Patrol car was busy giving
Gray Car Guy a speeding ticket.</span></div>
LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-3655919600505350422016-12-13T23:46:00.002-07:002016-12-13T23:46:09.796-07:00Trump's Election Caused My DivorceI told my husband that I wanted a divorce back in October. I asked if he would like to go to a mediator to try to settle all the issues and then file a consent decree, instead of litigating everything in court. He refused to talk about it and refused to even talk about when he might be willing to talk about it, saying, "this is a bad time" and "maybe after the holidays."<br />
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Truth be told, I might've deferred to my soon-to-be-ex-husband's desire to wait until January to discuss divorce, but for Trump's election.... See, I knew that I wasn't going to change my mind, so waiting seemed a little pointless. But I typically like to try to make others happy, so I waited a couple of weeks....<br />
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...until, on November 8, the unthinkable happened: Trump got elected. <br />
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I am a hardcore hippie liberal who supported Sanders in the primary. My soon-to-be-ex-husband is a Republican.<br />
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I can't stand Trump. Policies aside, he seemed to me to be a racist, misogynistic, power-hungry, bullying narcissist with a tendency to overreact to perceived slights and with no experience, little knowledge, and no interest in learning anything about foreign policy. In short, completely unqualified to be President, and a jerk besides. I am terrified that he will start a global nuclear war in reaction to some perceived insult from a foreign leader.<br />
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My soon-to-be-ex-husband liked him. During the primary season, as we were arguing about Trump, I told him that if Trump got elected, I'd divorce him. I was kind of serious even then. I have a hard time understanding how we have drifted so far apart in our core values. He seemed to admire Trump's blustering, bullying, assaholic ways. I noticed more and more that the things I dislike most about my soon-to-be-ex-husband are traits that he shares with Trump...<br />
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I never thought it would happen. But it did. They announced that Trump had won the election. <br />
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And suddenly, I felt that I had to be divorced, ASAP.<br />
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See, I can deal with a certain amount of sadness in my life. I can take a sorry excuse for a marriage if the world outside my home is tolerable. I can take an intolerable president (Bush, for example), if my home life and mariage are tolerable. But when both are intolerable, I can't take it. <br />
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When my marriage first really became intolerable, part way through Bush's second term, I got very depressed. I was barely functional and many days would not have gotten out of bed except that I had kids to care for. I never want to feel that way again.<br />
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Then Obama got elected, life was cheerier in general, and I became much more functional and less depressed, though still unhappy in my marriage.<br />
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But when we elected the narcissstic orange man as POTUS, despair set in. I cannot take four to eight years of both my home life and the world at large sucking. I would likely kill myself from despair if forced to endure both. <br />
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I can't control who is president, but I can damn sure control whether I'm married or not.<br />
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So, two days after the election, I filed for divorce.<br />
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It's not really fair to say Trump "caused" my divorce. I would have ended up divorced eventually. But his election was the precipitating event.<br />
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I want to be happily divorced for at least some amount of time before the nuclear holocaust begins.LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-27408887453225140412016-11-26T00:37:00.001-07:002016-11-26T00:37:24.657-07:00Starting the processI filed for divorce on November 10. <br />
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I'm glad to have started the process of ending this unhappy marriage. I'd prefer "congratulations" over "condolences."<br />
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I feel lighter and happier than I have felt in a long long time. ☺LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-13339583441732678062016-09-12T08:00:00.000-07:002016-09-12T08:00:22.679-07:00Dental implants--or, my oral surgeon was awesome!Dental implants: Best idea ever!<br />
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The oral surgeon was so kind and competent, not like that sadistic endodontist. <br />
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They took X-rays and concluded I was a great candidate for the implant surgery. Plenty of bone in which to successfully place the posts.<br />
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Not a fun process, though.<br />
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I went in last October for the posts to be implanted. Posts are the metal pieces to which the fake teeth will be attached.<br />
<br />
The process wasn't fun, involving drilling and putting metal nail-like things into my jaw. Two of them. One near the front, on the right side; another near the back, on the left side. I was quite sore for a couple of weeks, and the stitches were... disconcerting.<br />
<br />
At least my oral surgeon prescribed appropriate pain meds. A few days' worth of Vicodin.<br />
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Then I had to let my jaw heal for six months. It was hard to chew at first, with sensitive gums on both sides, but it quickly got better.<br />
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My wonderful, compassionate dentist made me a little fake removable tooth to fill the gap near the front of my mouth, sort of like a denture, to use when I needed to make a good impression (like in court or at a meeting at work). I couldn't eat with it, but I could talk and smile without showing a big gap in my teeth.<br />
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In April, I went back to the oral surgeon to have the implants "uncovered"--i.e., he cut through my gums so the posts could be used to attach the new fake teeth. <br />
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Then I went to my wonderful, compassionate dentist, who modified the fake tooth denture thingy to fit with the newly uncovered posts and took casts so he could make the two fake teeth.<br />
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A few weeks later, I went back to the dentist and had the fake teeth installed. <br />
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They are amazing! Just like real teeth! I can chew normally again! I can smile without being self-conscious!<br />
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All in all, life is good.<br />
<br />LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-49279300934426268772016-09-11T01:52:00.006-07:002016-09-11T03:08:22.150-07:00The Second Root CanalI told you all before about my first root canal, the one that took me totally by surprise, given my prior perfect-teeth condition. <br />
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The second time it happened, last year, I nipped it in the bud early. I recognized that particular sensitivity to heat, cold, pressure... I knew right away that I had cracked another tooth. I regretted all the ice I had chewed for years and years before that first root canal.<br />
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This time, I engaged in no denial. I went straight to the dentist and said, "I think I have another cracked tooth." He took X-rays but said that there was no clear crack visible, maybe just a little shadow that could be a problem, and referred me to the endodontist for a second opinion.<br />
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I walked across the parking lot to the endodontist's office, referral slip in hand. Could they get me in today? Yes!? Thank heavens!<br />
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The endodontist took more X-rays and poked around a bit and declared that, indeed, I had another cracked tooth. Did I want a root canal today, or just remove the tooth? She recommended trying the root canal<br />
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I said ok.<br />
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The root canal didn't work. The tooth split. It had to be removed.<br />
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After the removal, I asked for a prescription for a couple of days' worth of pain meds. They said no(!) They don't prescribe pain meds. They recommend that you just take OTC Advil plus Tylenol. I explained that the last time I'd had a root canal and tooth extraction, I had thought I'd get through it with aspirin, Tylenol, and/or Advil, but had ended up needing the Vicodin that had been prescribed. With just the Tylenol and Advil, I had not been able to sleep because the pain was so intense. I further explained that I needed only two days' worth of pain meds.<br />
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They said, "There are too many addicts. We don't prescribe anything, ever."<br />
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I said, "If you had told me that before the procedure, I would have never consented to it and would have gone elsewhere."<br />
<br />
(LegalMist's life lesson: always ask about pain med policy before consenting to a dental procedure.)<br />
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They said, "It will not hurt as much as it did before you came in." I said, "It already hurts more than it did before I came in because I came in at the first sign of pain and cracked tooth, based on my prior experience. And besides, I know from experience that the pain will keep me from sleeping for two nights. I did not pay $800 to have a root canal/tooth extraction (and have a tooth extracted!!) just to get two days' worth of drugs that I could probably buy on the street for less than $40."<br />
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They said, "Sorry, we can't help you. "<br />
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I said, "You people are sadists! This is like 'Little Shop of Horrors!' This is why people hate endodontists!"<br />
<br />
I walked back across the parking lot to my dentist's office and explained the problem. My compassionate dentist gave me a prescription for a few days' worth of Vicodin. The man (now retired) is a saint.<br />
<br />
Sure enough, I needed the pain meds. I would not have slept for two days without them.<br />
<br />
(I have since that time told two people not to go to that endodontist and have told my new dentist that he should never send anyone to her, ever. I hope he takes that advice.)<br />
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I still hadn't gotten the implant to replace the first lost tooth. It was in the back, not really visible. And the procedure promised to be expensive, time consuming, and potentially painful, so--as any normal person would do--I had procrastinated.<br />
<br />
But this second one was near the front and visible when I smiled, making me self-conscious and afraid to smile.<br />
<br />
I knew I had to get two implants ASAP. Ugh...<br />
<br />
Next time... <br />
Implant procedures: not fun! <br />
Implant results: awesome!<br />
<br />
<br />LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-22927043358171247782016-09-08T01:06:00.000-07:002017-01-26T23:21:32.034-07:00The spiderI got a new car. It's a 2017 Fiat 124 Spider. Here is a photo:<br />
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<a href="http://st.motortrend.com/uploads/sites/5/2016/06/2017-Fiat-124-Spider-Classica-front-three-quarter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://st.motortrend.com/uploads/sites/5/2016/06/2017-Fiat-124-Spider-Classica-front-three-quarter.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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Gorgeous, right? It's a convertible. It is an awesome car. Fun to drive. Stick shift. Turbo. Quick 0 to 60 ( or 80... ). Best car ever!</div>
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As my friend Sandy said, "Way to rock the midlife crisis, LegalMist!"</div>
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Question: does it count as a midlife crisis car if you have wanted it since you were 25 but couldn't make it work until now? Actually, I wanted a Mazda Miata when they came out in 1989. Here is a 1989 Miata:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3sAFK_CuMMYNpvPXLyaiy8_Dkpdng8wgI8U-wS0RM9r3eM2R5JBc05Jjm7313hnqZjp103GI_t-kkjQoTEh7tVXlakcB24nk7eYc5G9TNtQcD2mANUGsWzwoE7iDqAitIjK8407y7_XUh/s1600/first-gen-mazda-mx-5-miata-launched-in-1989_100456795_l.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3sAFK_CuMMYNpvPXLyaiy8_Dkpdng8wgI8U-wS0RM9r3eM2R5JBc05Jjm7313hnqZjp103GI_t-kkjQoTEh7tVXlakcB24nk7eYc5G9TNtQcD2mANUGsWzwoE7iDqAitIjK8407y7_XUh/s320/first-gen-mazda-mx-5-miata-launched-in-1989_100456795_l.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Cute, right? </div>
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But I was just about to start law school (in 1990) and couldn't afford one. So in 1992, I got a used 1987 Honda Prelude instead. It was awesome too. Sporty. Stick shift. Moon Roof. Quick acceleration. Fun!</div>
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Then I graduated, got married, had kids, and a Miata just wasn't practical. In fact, I had to sell the Prelude to get a car with 4 doors and room for a child safety seat. I got a Toyota Corolla (the "<a href="http://legalmist.blogspot.com/2009/01/my-little-green-lady.html">Green Lady</a>"). </div>
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Well, LegalMist's Daughter (LMD) is off to college this fall, leaving only LegalMist's Son (LMS) as a potential passenger (I am planning a divorce, remember?), so a two-seater became a possibility... I decided to get that Miata.</div>
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But then I read the Consumer Reports car guide and saw the Fiat 124 Spider, reinvented for 2017. It was even prettier than the Miata. Sporty. Convertible. Cute... I held out for the test drive. Finally, on July 12, the spider arrived at the dealer... I showed up right when they opened to test drive the car. Drove the automatic. The stick shift. The upgraded, all-options version. The stripped down, no frills version. Looked at all the colors. Considered all the options.</div>
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Side note: I loved the blue one. But to get blue, one had to buy the "Prima Edizione" version with all options, including automatic transmission (what's the fun in that?!) and leather seats (in Arizona, I prefer cloth). They only made 124 of them (get it? The "124" spider?), and they came with the free t-shirt and poster and a numbered plaque on the dashboard to tell you which one you got. But it cost $11,000 more than the stick-shift, cloth-seated model that I preferred. In the end, I decided that blue paint and automatic transmission was *not* worth $11,000, so I bought the gray one pictured above. Here is a photo of the pretty blue one:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7ZkY_5wV8VNPLM4lSRJsKEgcDuU5tls1wGbkFwIu7Pk50BqGCcFTCcHaCMJfRgZa6azFpiEjFWJrqnY48ttGvztMwB87gP7bdgoN4CyI0baiZJzm0n7P6jFBYCJOg9BfNYvVTUKmcuk5Z/s1600/2017-Fiat-124-Spider-F34-650.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7ZkY_5wV8VNPLM4lSRJsKEgcDuU5tls1wGbkFwIu7Pk50BqGCcFTCcHaCMJfRgZa6azFpiEjFWJrqnY48ttGvztMwB87gP7bdgoN4CyI0baiZJzm0n7P6jFBYCJOg9BfNYvVTUKmcuk5Z/s320/2017-Fiat-124-Spider-F34-650.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Nice, huh? But I think the gray is pretty too.<br />
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I love my car. It is so fun to drive to work now. It makes me smile every time I see it. I call it my "Midlife Crisis Mobile," and it is a bright spot of joy in my otherwise not-as-joyful-as-I-wish-it-were life. At least on the way to and from work, I can pretend to be the happy, carefree young person that I used to be instead of the somewhat sad, about-to-be-divorced, almost-old person that I actually am.<br />
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The car turns heads, even if I don't any longer.LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-19822806112076409092016-05-02T01:42:00.001-07:002016-05-02T01:45:16.457-07:00I'm going to file for divorceSo many reasons. The main one, I think, is that he is a narcissist. Everything else flows from that. The constant need to blame me for everything that ever goes "wrong." The accusation that I "don't do anything" towards cleaning the house. (For the record, yes, the house is a wreck. Neither of us does much to fix that. But his overblown idea that he does "everything" is right in line with the narcissistic personality disorder.) His complete refusal to listen. His rude, condescending, mocking attitude and words whenever I try to talk to him about our marital issues. His repeating things over and over and over unless/until you concede that the thought was brilliant just so you don't have to listen to it again. His constant bragging about how great he is at his job (teaching sixth grade) mixed in with occasional disturbing stories about how he said something mean to some kid, "but I told him they'd never believe him because I'm the teacher so they'll believe me." Ugh. What did I ever see in this guy?<br />
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God help me. Divorce is hell. Divorcing a narcissist is hell on steroids.LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-76494927288382969392015-07-23T07:58:00.001-07:002015-07-23T07:59:49.106-07:00Goodbye, Grandmother. I Miss You Already.I just learned this morning that my other grandmother (my Dad's mom), died last night. She was my last living grandparent.<br />
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I had just learned yesterday morning that she had gone to the hospital. It all happened so quickly. She died peacefully.<br />
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I want to write more, but I can't think very well right now.LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-41638430133529395382015-06-27T23:20:00.000-07:002015-06-27T23:20:26.031-07:00I think he just proved her point.Daughter, Son, and I were talking to my Mom. I don't remember how this came up, but my daughter was telling my Mom about how she felt about her brother:<br />
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LegalMist's Daughter: He's 85% fun, and 25% bad at math.<br />
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LegalMist's Son: (long pause as he does the math on that one)... But wait... Where's the other 5%?<br />
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((Sigh))LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-46516808027740692992015-06-27T00:55:00.002-07:002015-08-21T12:01:43.097-07:00A week to remember.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Love this.</div>
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<br />
Please see the explanation <a href="http://m.snopes.com/2015/06/29/splc-confederate-gay-flag-comic/" target="_blank">here </a>about the copyright issues. Proper credit for the original three panels should be given to Bob Englehart at the Hartford Courant. It is unknown at this time who modified the original three panels and added the last two, but I love it.LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-70484737332535229892014-12-15T01:31:00.000-07:002014-12-15T01:31:00.119-07:00I don't deal well with stupid people, part 3So LM's daughter (LMD) got her driver's permit recently.<br />
<br />
I took LMD out to begin teaching her the basics of driving. We found a nice empty parking lot next to a pretty-much-abandoned strip mall in the Phoenix Metropolitan Area. There are lots of pretty-much-abandoned lots here lately, given the economic downturn, which (although it is finally starting to improve) has left many businesses bankrupt.<br />
<br />
This pretty-much-abandoned strip mall had one tenant remaining: [Unnamed Midwestern State] University. Why that University has a branch here, I have no idea. Perhaps it is trying to compete with "University of Phoenix," which seems to have opened branches in pretty much every state. Anyway, there were no cars in a whole huge section of the lot, and about 8 cars in another section of it.<br />
<br />
We started in the section with no cars. After quite a while of driving around, practicing turning, stopping, turning the other way, stopping with the tires on exactly this line or that pothole or that crack in the road, accelerating gently, accelerating gently, turning sharply, stopping quickly, trying to run over that piece of paper, turning gradually, stopping slowly and smoothly, etc... I was running out of fun ideas... I thought it would be fun to try driving around real cars and perhaps try parking <br />
<br />
So we did.<br />
<br />
And LMD parked next to a car on her left. Then parked next to a car on her right. She did a great job both times -- right between the lines, no problem. So I had her park between two cars. Then, as she was about to back out of the space, she got a shocked look on her face as she looked past me through the passenger side window: "Mom! Mom! Look! <br />
<br />
There was a security guard standing next to the car. I rolled down the window.<br />
<br />
Security Guard ("SG"): What are you doing?<br />
<br />
[Seriously? It isn't obvious?!? Whatever...]<br />
<br />
LM: Practicing driving.<br />
<br />
SG: Well, you can't do that here.<br />
<br />
LM: Why not? It's a public parking lot.<br />
<br />
SG: Well, I can't have you driving around my students' cars. If you crash into one of them, that would not be good.<br />
<br />
LM: First of all, she's not going to hit a car. Second of all, I'm insured, so if she does hit one, we'll fix it. I promise. It won't be a problem.<br />
<br />
SG: No. You can drive over there (pointing to totally empty lot) if you want, but not here.<br />
<br />
[Thinking: "Says you and what army? Who made you emperor of all you survey?"]<br />
<br />
LM: We did that already. She's got the hang of driving around nothing. She needs to practice around things now.<br />
<br />
SG: Well, you can set up some traffic cones over there if you like.<br />
<br />
LM (sarcastically-enthusiastically): Oh, that would be cool! Do you have some of those?<br />
<br />
SG: No.<br />
<br />
LM: Oh... well, that makes two of us. (Rolls window up.)<br />
<br />
LMD (in a shouted-whisper tone of voice): (MOM! STOP! YOU SOUND JUST LIKE GRANDPA!!)<br />
<br />
... I guess I come by it honestly. At least I didn't ask if he had the authority to call someone with authority, as grandpa would have done.<br />
<br />
Again, I felt a little bad afterwards. He was just doing what he perceived as being his job, even if he was overstepping his bounds a bit. I didn't feel as bad as I did after my unfortunately snarky encounter with the clueless lady at the church that I wrote about last week. But not as justified as I felt after being a little mean to the clueless and overeager Adobe sales rep. Sort of somewhere in-between.<br />
<br />
Because yes, he <b>was</b> overstepping his bounds. It's not like there were any spaces marked "reserved for __ University students"--so presumably any drunk or otherwise piss-poor driver could come park anywhere in the lot, next to "his" student's cars, so <i>why pick on us</i>?!? (At least this particular novice driver was being supervised by a very-experienced driver who previously has taught others to drive buses!) Answer: because he thought he had the power to do so and he was bored sitting around doing nothing. And he had that air of "I've think I've got power and I'm going to
use it even though I really don't have the right to do so" that just
irritates the crud out of me.<br />
<br />
So there you have it. Judge me if you must. The short story is, "I don't deal well with stupid people."<br />
<br />
<br />LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-56049449294501313612014-12-08T01:14:00.000-07:002014-12-08T01:14:00.351-07:00I don't deal well with stupid people, part 2So this one slipped out unintentionally. And I felt bad about it. I don't really intend to be mean to people. I try really hard to be nice. But sometimes I just don't deal well with stupid people.<br />
<br />
I was in Sedona, Arizona, with a friend. We were visiting the famous "Chapel of the Holy Cross." Here is a photo (from Wikipedia):<br />
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<br />
There were a lot of tourists who had the same idea we had, at the same time, to visit the chapel, so there was a line of cars slowly making its way up the curvy road to the parking lot at the top of the hill. It was moving very slowly. Basically, when one car left, they'd let another in.<br />
<br />
We parked at the bottom of the hill and began walking up the steep, curvy road. Since there were so many cars on the uphill side, we walked on the shoulder of the downhill side--there was more room there.<br />
<br />
A car came zooming up the road in the oncoming (downhill) lane of traffic, passing all the other cars in the uphill lane. We were just approaching a sharp left curve. I was thinking what a rude, insensitive jerk the driver was. The car stopped next to us and the driver lowered her window. <br />
<br />
Driver: Um, that's a big curve up there. Do you think another car might come down the road and run headfirst into me?<br />
<br />
LM: Well, yeah, that could happen...<br />
<br />
Driver (sounding alarmed): What should I do?!?!<br />
<br />
LM: Well, you could wait in line like everyone else.<br />
<br />
Driver: What...? Oh, no! You mean those cars aren't parked? I thought they were parked! Oh, they must think I'm such a twit!<br />
<br />
<br />
*************<br />
<br />
OK, so she was clueless, not soulless. I forgave her instantly and immediately felt bad about thinking horrible thoughts about her--at a church, no less! I even reassured her that, now that I thought about it, she was right, the windows of so many of the cars are tinted, you can't even see if someone is inside them.<br />
<br />
In other words, I tried not to act like a self-righteous prig. But the fact remains that I don't deal well with stupid people, and so it just sort of slipped out... and I was kind of mean to a person who was probably really nice, even if she wasn't all that bright.<br />
<br />
She backed down the road and got in line, "like everyone else."<br />
<br />
We walked on up to the chapel, where I prayed for forgiveness. <br />
<br />LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-78157973624164825202014-12-01T00:59:00.000-07:002014-12-01T10:56:33.925-07:00I don't deal well with stupid people, part 1Here is the ridiculous discussion I had with the Adobe Sales Representative last year, when I needed to have .pdf editing software.* I had tried calling the 800 number but could not get through the answering-machine “tree” to find a live person. So I tried the live-chat function on the Adobe website. The chat is edited to make it shorter and eliminate some unnecessary “filler,” but is otherwise an accurate transcript that I copied and pasted when I finished chatting with the Adobe rep, because of its sheer absurdity. I wanted to be able to look back and laugh. And often, I do.<br />
<br />
*Note that I subsequently purchased “Cute PDF” software, which was only $49 and works great (much better for my uses than the far-more-expensive Adobe software, which we have at my new job).<br />
<br />
<u>Chat Transcript (I tried not to be snarky. I think I was mostly successful.)</u>:<br />
<br />
Thank you for contacting Adobe Sales. My name is Priscilla. How may I help you today?<br />
Priscilla: May I have your first name please?<br />
<br />
LM: LegalMist<br />
<br />
Priscilla: Hi LegalMist.<br />
<br />
LM: I am interested in buying Adobe Acrobat. However, I looked it up online and it does not list compatibility with MS Vista operating system. Will it work with Vista?<br />
<br />
Priscilla: Acrobat XI Pro is not compatible with Windows Vista.<br />
<br />
LM: Acrobat X was compatible with it. Is that one still available and supported?<br />
<br />
Priscilla: I am sorry, Acrobat X is the older version software, hence it is not available for purchase.<br />
<br />
LM: The computer is only 5 years old. Can you let me download Acrobat X for free? Or is there some "fix" for Acrobat XI to make it compatible with Vista?<br />
<br />
Priscilla: I am sorry, since Acrobat X is an older version software, it is not available for download. You need to upgrade your operating system.<br />
<br />
LM: But my operating system is fine and works great for everything else I do. So why would I pay a bunch of money to "upgrade" it when it doesn't need to be upgraded, other than for your program? Why is Acrobat not compatible with Vista? What problems or issues will arise if I just download it?<br />
<br />
Priscilla: I am sorry, since Vista is an older version OS it is not compatible with all the new software.<br />
<br />
LM: But Acrobat XI is compatible with XP, which is even older than Vista.<br />
<br />
Priscilla: I am sorry for that.<br />
<br />
LM: Will you give a discount on Acrobat XI equivalent to the amount I have to pay to "upgrade" my OS so I can buy it? Also, do you know what problems or issues will arise if I just try to download it anyway?<br />
<br />
Priscilla: Just to confirm, do you have any older version of Acrobat?<br />
<br />
LM: No, all I have is the Adobe reader. But I find myself needing some of the capabilities of Acrobat.<br />
<br />
Priscilla: Could you tell me the tasks that you wish to accomplish using this software so we can get you the right product?<br />
<br />
LM: I want to be able to scan documents into my computer and assemble them along with other computer-created documents and then make the whole thing into a PDF/A file so it can be filed with the Court. Also, I'd like to be able to use the redaction feature and the "bates-stamp" / page numbering feature.<br />
<br />
Priscilla: Are you interested in working with images or creating flyers or logos?<br />
<br />
LM: No. I have no interest in creating logos or designs or flyers. Just legal documents. I'd also like to be able to edit .pdf's<br />
<br />
Priscilla: Based on the tasks performed by you, I recommend that you purchase Creative Cloud subscription, as you will get all the Adobe software and also you will get Acrobat XI Pro.<br />
<br />
LM: Is Creative Cloud compatible with Vista?<br />
<br />
Priscilla: I understand your concern, however I can get you Creative Cloud single App for $19.99 per month only. You can install the application on 2 systems. Either both Mac’s or Windows or 1 on Mac and the other one on Windows.<br />
<br />
LM: Does it work with Vista, though?<br />
<br />
Priscilla: With single App, you will get Acroabat XI pro with all the upgrades and updates for free.<br />
<br />
LM: But does it work with Vista?<br />
<br />
Priscilla: I am sorry, it is not compatible with Vista.<br />
<br />
LM: Well, then it does me no good. <b>I have Vista, remember</b>?<br />
<br />
LM: Let's go back to my prior question: Can I buy Acrobat XI with a discount in the price to reflect the cost of "upgrading" my OS (even though I don't need to upgrade other than to use your program).<br />
<br />
Priscilla: I am sorry,we do not have any discounts available.<br />
<br />
LM: So there is nothing you can do to help me, then?<br />
<br />
Priscilla: With single App, you will get the software at a low monthly cost of $19.99 per month only. This is the best option available to purchase the software.<br />
<br />
LM:<b> But you told me that single App is not compatible with Vista</b>, so I don't care about it being the "best option" for purchasing the software; it won't work with my computer. Ok, well can you at least answer my other prior unanswered question, which is, what problems or issues will arise if I try to install it even though it is incompatible with Vista.<br />
<br />
Priscilla: I am sorry, Acrrobat XI Pro as individual product or with Cloud, it is not compatible with Vista.<br />
<br />
LM: You said that already, but you still have not answered my question, which is: What problems or issues will it cause if I attempt to install it?<br />
<br />
Priscilla: You will not be able to install the software on Vista.<br />
<br />
LM: So it simply won't install?<br />
<br />
Priscilla: Yes, you are correct.<br />
<br />
LM: Priscilla, you have finally answered all my questions. I have to say I am not impressed, though. You tried several times to sell me the "single App" despite knowing that I have Vista, and only later told me that it was incompatible with Vista. What good would it do me to buy it? I can't use it, apparently! I guess I simply cannot purchase your products and will have to look elsewhere.<br />
<br />
Priscilla: I am sorry, however Acroabat XI Pro is not compatible with Vista.<br />
Priscilla: I wish I could help you with that.<br />
<br />
********<br />
<br />
Seriously, I cannot believe how hard she tried to sell me a product that she knew full well I cannot use. <br />
<br />
My advice? Buy “Cute PDF.” It works great, is less expensive than acrobat, and as far as I can tell, it is compatible with just about every OS (although I don’t use Apple computers, so I can’t vouch for that one). And avoid Adobe chat. They are useless. Worse than useless, a total waste of time.LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-44761730828171453362014-11-27T12:07:00.000-07:002014-12-01T10:55:05.822-07:00Coolest. Trees. Ever.At the University of Virginia, LegalMist's alma mater, stand the coolest trees in the world. They are called "Pratt Ginkgo Trees," and they are lovely. They are found elsewhere, too, of course. But I remember, very clearly, exactly one day at the end of autumn, just as winter was beginning at the University, watching these beautiful trees shed their leaves.<br />
<br />
They do not lose leaves gradually, like other trees. Instead, they drop them all at once, in about one day. I sat for about three hours one afternoon near the Lawn at U.Va., watching one gorgeous tree drop leaves. It looked like snow.<br />
<br />
I found a video for you on YouTube of a ginkgo tree at someone's house, that looks about like that tree at U.Va. looked, on that gorgeous fall day, dropping leaves so fast that it almost looked like a snowstorm. Here it is:<br />
<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/s5UD_M2xK4c" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
I hope you enjoy it.<br />
<br />
Happy Thanksgiving!LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-78874950515264869302014-11-24T01:35:00.000-07:002017-03-11T01:40:21.074-07:00Divorcing this narcissist will be hell on steroids...No one gets married thinking they will get divorced.<br />
<br />
Well, maybe some people do, but then they are fools.<br />
<br />
But let me give you some free advice: Before you get married, think about how a divorce would go, if it were to come to that, sometime in the distant future. And then don't marry anyone who you would not want to have to try to divorce.<br />
<br />
I knew from the beginning that my then-boyfriend could be mean and vindictive if he felt he had been "wronged." I watched him treat others badly and seek petty revenge when he felt they had treated him badly.<br />
<br />
But I was in love, and so was he, and at the time, we were nice to each other. He was fun to be with, creative, smart, funny, adventurous, romantic... We both thought we would be friends forever, regardless of what else might happen between us.<br />
<br />
We were wrong. <br />
<br />
We have tried marriage counseling. It helped, marginally, for a while. The counselor would tell us both things that we should work on to improve our relationship. But instead of taking the counselor's advice and applying it to himself, my husband too often used it as a weapon against me, as in "The doctor said you are supposed to ____" or "are not supposed to ___" -- all the while, not working on the issues the counselor had asked him to work on. He wouldn't take seriously the "couples exercises" the counselor assigned -- the ones in the book designed to build trust and understanding. He would say they were "silly" or "goofy" and he didn't want to do them. If I pushed the point, he would give short or flip answers to the questions asked. I gave up.<br />
<br />
Eventually, I gave up on the marriage. I got tired of giving and not feeling appreciated or loved. The constant criticism is just too much to bear. I guess a part of me felt like, if he was going to criticize constantly, he might as well have something to criticize.<br />
<br />
At this point, we are not friends, and we are not lovers. There is open hostility, snide remarks made in front of the kids, and a complete lack of communication about many issues. It is time to end this marriage.<br />
<br />
It is not good for me. It is not good for him. It cannot possibly be good for the kids.<br />
<br />
And yet I dread it, because I know he will be manipulative, vindictive, and downright mean. He thinks I have treated him badly. I think he is wrong, but it doesn't matter what I think. I know what is coming.<br />
<br />
I have assisted so many others through this process. I have seen the damage a manipulative, vindictive, and mean person, with the "right" ("wrong?") lawyer, can inflict on a soon-to-be-ex-spouse, on the kids, on the family as a whole.<br />
<br />
I do not want my kids to be in this crossfire.<br />
<br />
But the only way through to the other side, to peace and the potential for real happiness, is a divorce.LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-18759606561976957752014-04-18T04:00:00.000-07:002014-12-01T11:02:31.402-07:00CamporeeI took my son to the Boy Scouts' "Camporee" last weekend.<br />
<br />
It was so much fun! And so hard, too... I am *not* a natural camper. This was a real effort for me. I love my warm soft bed, flush toilet, and daily shower. Camping involves none of these things and so I don't do it often. I love the outdoors, but usually only if I know I can sleep in my own bed at night.<br />
<br />
We left Friday after my son got out of school. Arrived in Pine, AZ, at Camp Geronimo, around 6 p.m. Selected our campsite and hauled our stuff up from the car. Set up the tent in the dark (not fun! Thank goodness the troop leader and his wife helped out!). Drove the car back down to the parking lot and hiked the mile back up to the campsite. Had some fried chicken we'd brought along for dinner. Went to the scout ceremony/ meeting and sat in the increasing chilly-ness. Slept on the rather uncomfortable camping pads and woke up cold at 4 a.m., added extra blankets and woke up at 5:30 a.m. with the sun...<br />
<br />
And then the actual fun started. Breakfast in the cold-but-warming beautiful morning with birds singing, scout flag ceremony, dressed in the "Class A" uniforms for the "inspection," and then more scout ceremonies... all done by probably 8 a.m. Then some scout activities/challenges for the kids -- involving problem-solving, teamwork, and fun. The theme was "Zombies," so several of the events required completing them within a time limit before the "Zombies" were released. There was a fellow applying Zombie make-up to anyone who wanted it... although most of us adults looked like zombies even without the makeup, after a night spent setting up a campsite and sleeping, very little, in the cold!<br />
<br />
Then we had lunch, and then there was hiking, crawfish-catching, and lots of unstructured, kid-led games like Zombie tag, "infected," capture-the-flag, pinecone wars, something resembling lord of the flies and pinecone-throwing, and random explorations of the gorgeous, huge wooded camping area. Meanwhile, the adults supervised some and hung out a lot, getting to know each other and enjoying the birds and the blue sky with pretty little clouds and the trees and the lack of biting insects and the sound of the wind in the trees. It was awesome.<br />
<br />
Later that evening, after dinner, there was another flag ceremony at sunset, and then a camp-wide meeting at which my scout's Webelos den and my scout's host-boy-scout troop tied for first place for the campsite cleanliness and uniform inspection prize -- both groups scored a perfect 100%! Each group won large portable grill, to be used for future campouts! Very exciting!<br />
<br />
I met a fellow who is the grandfather of one of the Webelos. I had met the Webelo's mom before, and she is really nice, too. He lives down the street and around the corner from us, and works in a building two blocks from where I work. Such a small world we live in... He loaned me a jacket, because I forgot to bring my warm toasty one. He is a soft-spoken, kind-hearted, handsome, smart, sweet man about 15 years older than me. I have to admit to having a small crush on him. If I weren't married, I'd have been flirting with him... As it was, we enjoyed looking at all the stars that can't be seen from the Valley of the Sun because of the light pollution and talking about our jobs and kids/grandkids.<br />
<br />
Then we had a great big campfire and roasted marshmallows and made s'mores (yes, the boy scouts love them as much as the girl scouts who invented them), cleaned up a bit, put out the fire, and then slept in our tents in the cold again on the hard ground softened only somewhat by thin camping sleep-pads and bags, woke up at 5:00 a.m. with the sun listening to the birds sing, had another flag ceremony, broke down the camp, and headed back to civilization with a new appreciation for our warm comfortable homes, soft beds, heated bathrooms, and showers. <br />
<br />
Life is good.LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com1North America21.430160062696036 -121.9921875-4.1741379373039642 -163.3007815 47.034458062696032 -80.6835935tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-27129849998871616732014-04-16T01:46:00.003-07:002014-04-16T01:46:38.476-07:00I Got A New Job...... And I am so very happy!<br />
<br />
For the past few years, I had been applying for jobs whenever I found something I thought I would enjoy doing. I did not apply for jobs that did not pay well. I did not apply for jobs that I thought I would hate once I started. I already had a job (running my own law firm) that I wasn't thrilled with (well, the boss was nice...) and that didn't pay well enough (mostly because I am a much better lawyer than business-person, and did not focus enough on billing and collections) and that featured a never-ending parade of obnoxious opposing attorneys and occasional difficult and/or deadbeat clients and that often resulted in me sitting alone in my office for hours at a time working, with no human interaction at all. No, I did not apply for anything similar to what I already had...<br />
<br />
I applied only for interesting, well-paying jobs in law firms or agencies where I would work regular hours for regular pay and have nice people to talk to each day.<br />
<br />
I am now handling appeals in child welfare cases, and I couldn't be happier. My research and writing skills are put to good use. I rarely have to interact with obnoxious persons. The cases are a little sad, but I feel like I am doing some good in this all-too-difficult world, helping kids move on to better lives. I don't have to deal with billing and collections. The hours are fairly regular, 40 to maybe 50 per week.<br />
<br />
My co-workers are helpful and kind and fun, but not too chatty or intrusive. We all have work to do so we spend most of the day doing it, which is good. But there is a sense of camaraderie and fun, too. We had an NCAA pool. Two to four of us go for fifteen minute walks almost every day to chat and enjoy the day (that will end soon, though, once it gets hot here in the Valley of the Sun...). We go to lunch once a month or so.<br />
<br />
And one of my co-workers is a secretary! And she is so smart and knows so much about this area of the law, and she pays attention to details and is enthusiastic and nice, and I enjoy talking with her, and she is always doing things--without being asked--that really help to make my job easier and more pleasant! And someone else pays her salary! For those of you out there who are the excellent secretaries and paralegals, thank you for all that you do! You are wonderful. For those of you who haven't thanked your secretary or paralegal this week, go do it *now*! You just don't know how lucky you are to have a good assistant, until you don't have one.<br />
<br />
And I get a regular paycheck, directly deposited into my checking account every two weeks! And I never have to spend my weekend sending out bills, or spend a Monday morning making calls to clients to ask when they are planning to pay their bills, or make several trips to the bank each week to deposit checks. And I am making more than I was making before (although probably not as much as I could make if I were better at running a business, or more dedicated to working 80+ hours a week as a lawyer).<br />
<br />
And, perhaps best of all, there is an IT department, so when I have computer problems (rarely, now that folks who know what they are doing are in charge of the computers...), someone besides me is in charge of fixing them! My goodness, people, if you haven't thanked your IT guy this week, go do it *now*!! They are a godsend!<br />
<br />
Our computer system at work crashed last week, and I got to go take a walk and then do some reading while I waited for it to be fixed. Everyone else was complaining about the "wasted" time. I was relishing the fact that I didn't have to stress out about how to fix it, and *then* stress out about how to get my work done. I could relax and just wait for the computer to work, and *then* stress out--but only if needed!--to meet my deadline. It was such a relief!! For those of you out there who are the IT guys at work, thank you for doing such a wonderful job. People should appreciate you more than they do.<br />
<br />
My former work computer, which is now the home computer, is dying a slow and painful death right now, and I am just so very happy that my income and professional well-being do not depend on my fixing or replacing it by tomorrow. Instead, I can wait until this weekend or next weekend or the weekend after that and shop the sales to get a good deal on a new one. And I can use the laptop to surf the 'net while I wait for a new desktop computer, without worrying about the fact that the laptop doesn't have all the software I need to enter my time, do my billing, etc.<br />
<br />
And, I get paid vacations!<br />
<br />
And paid sick leave!<br />
<br />
And paid holidays!<br />
<br />
And a retirement account!<br />
<br />
Work just doesn't get much better than this! <br />
<br />
I am glad I was patient and waited for the right job for me. I have not been happier at work since I was a bus-driver in college. :)<br />
<br />
*****<br />
<br />
Next on the list.... a better marital relationship. I am not sure whether that means fixing the existing one, or getting a new one, but something has got to give...<br />
LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-22560982834800018232013-07-23T08:00:00.000-07:002013-07-23T08:00:02.601-07:00"Free Smells"I don't know if you can see what I need you to see in the photo below. I took it from a distance while stopped at a red light, and using my cell phone's camera. When I tried to enlarge it ... let's just say the photo quality isn't too great.<br />
<br />
This is a "Jimmy John's" restaurant in Tempe, Arizona. Can you see the little red neon sign in the window? The one that says "Free Smells"?<br />
<br />
Can you tell what the sign is exactly next to?<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikv-4EpS0l1QyyX3kmxRUMXxFsJafZpo-fx1S7WbLp2gsLENGddgs4qri9DZV-twIjo5zx4jdpGQInkl9tkR-NzSgaLIEg1LgM-MXdqISnEJASjDIHk21kSjJ9PpVWt31n5kLnLpy21Lp3/s530/Free+Smells+(2).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikv-4EpS0l1QyyX3kmxRUMXxFsJafZpo-fx1S7WbLp2gsLENGddgs4qri9DZV-twIjo5zx4jdpGQInkl9tkR-NzSgaLIEg1LgM-MXdqISnEJASjDIHk21kSjJ9PpVWt31n5kLnLpy21Lp3/s400/Free+Smells+(2).jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
It is directly next to the restrooms.<br />
<br />
Mmmm, tempting..... but let's just say I've never stopped in to enjoy those particular "Free Smells."LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-15025764739176266762013-07-17T08:00:00.000-07:002013-07-17T08:00:08.898-07:00AB, rest in peaceOn Sunday, three fire trucks and an ambulance pulled up to the house across the street. Firemen and paramedics entered the house, and a few minutes later, carried our neighbor Angelo to the ambulance on a stretcher, still pumping at his chest.<br />
<br />
It did not look promising.<br />
<br />
I learned later that evening that Angelo had died, of a heart attack.<br />
<br />
Angelo and his wife, Jean, bought their house when it was first built, in the 1950s. They have been our neighbors since we moved in across the street from them, over 20 years ago. They are old enough to be my, or my husband's, parents.<br />
<br />
They are wonderful neighbors, kind, friendly, not nosy or intrusive, yet they keep an eye on the house when we are not here. They share oranges from their trees with us each year and back when they used to go out to farmers markets more frequently, they would sometimes bring us peaches or apricots. They wave when we walk by and they are sitting on their porch. They smile when we are watering our lawn or getting into our car and they are bringing out the recycle bin. They buy girl scout cookies and Scout-O-Rama tickets when the neighbor kids sell them. They chat with us when we have time, and smile and wave when we don't.<br />
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They have many adult children. The ones who live close by have, for years, come for Sunday dinner, often bringing the grandkids.<br />
<br />
Angelo and Jean kept their yard looking beautiful for many years until they could no longer physically handle it. They loved the flowers they planted each spring. They loved planting, watering, watching things grow. They cried when their big beautiful old tree in the front yard died and had to be cut down.<br />
<br />
Over the past couple of years, both Angelo and Jean have had some health issues. Their wonderful grown kids have taken turns taking care of mom and dad. It is obvious they love their parents very much. They take care of the yard, although they do not plant as many flowers as their parents did. They take their parents shopping, help them cook, hang out with them on the front porch. They bring the grandkids to visit. Some of the kids come from very far away. One lives in Hawaii. She comes and stays for weeks at a time.<br />
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The kids are good neighbors, too. Friendly, but not nosy or intrusive. They wave and smile, and chat with us when we have time, just like their parents.<br />
<br />
Angelo was a good man. He loved his wife and his many kids and grandkids. He was smart and funny. He was a good neighbor. The world was a better place with him in it.<br />
<br />
Goodbye, Angelo. May your soul find peace and contentment.LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-26135734893635637122013-07-16T08:00:00.000-07:002013-07-16T08:00:02.746-07:00RKT, 1972-2013, rest in peaceMy friend killed himself. <br />
<br />
I just learned yesterday afternoon that he killed himself a few weeks ago.<br />
<br />
I didn't see it coming, even though I was probably one of the last persons to talk to him.<br />
<br />
His daughter is friends with my daughter. We've known them 6 years. He was divorced from his kids' mom. She had been ... Away, for a while. But she recently came back into the kids' lives.<br />
<br />
He had sole custody and had been the kids' only parent for years. But he worked a lot. His boss demanded long hours and Saturdays. And so at first he was happy to have her back in the kids' lives, giving them another adult to turn to. But then after a while, she seemed to be working hard to turn the kids against him. Even though she had been gone for years, she had the kids convinced that she was the better parent, the one who loved them more, the one they should stay with. They spent less and less time with their dad. <br />
<br />
She let the kids run wild. He set limits. You can guess which parent they preferred... And which parent they were increasingly angry with...<br />
<br />
He talked to me one day, about his legal rights, obligations, options. I can't say, here, specifically what we talked about. Client confidentiality and all that. Looking back, he was more agitated than I'd ever seen him, but it was understandable, under the circumstances he described.<br />
<br />
We also talked the next day, as friends. He called to let me know how things were going. He talked about how frustrated he was, to have sacrificed so much to be the good dad, always putting the kids' needs first, working overtime to buy them Christmas gifts, while the ex just disappeared for 10 years. And then to have her reappear and have the kids preferring to be with her. He was understandably hurt and angry. He loved his kids, but felt like they were turning against him. He felt rejected, hurt, angry, sad... He wondered if he was handling things properly, if he was doing all that he could do.<br />
<br />
I listened a long while, and commiserated with him, told him his feelings were completely understandable. I told him that I was sure the kids would come to understand much more as they matured, that they are teenagers - notorious for being insensitive and self-centered and ungrateful - that the excitement of having a mom again would wear off as they started to see how often she "forgot" to buy groceries or pay the electric bill, that as they grew older they would realize what a great dad he is and that they never went without food or shelter or cool toys for Christmas, or love, when they were with him. I also told him I thought he was handling things well, doing a good job of taking care of his kids, that he was a good dad...<br />
<br />
When we hung up, he seemed.... determined ... and ok, if not happy. Determined to do the best he could for the kids even if they seemed to resent him for it. Less agitated, though still frustrated.<br />
<br />
The next day, he killed himself.<br />
<br />
I will never know whether there were other burdens he hadn't shared, whether something else happened during that day that sent him too far down the path of despair, or whether I just missed the signs of his total despair and desperation. He certainly never said anything about feeling suicidal or about the kids being better off without him. As far as I can remember, there was no sign or feeling that he was giving up... but maybe I missed it....<br />
<br />
Should I have tried harder, helped more? Was there anything at all I could have said or done that might have helped things go differently...? Should I have been giving him the number for a suicide hotline? Were the signs there and I just didn't see? I just don't know. <br />
<br />
A couple of times over the past couple of weeks, I'd thought about calling him, but it wasn't unusual to go weeks or sometimes months without talking to him - we were both busy, and our main connection was our kids, and my daughter was out of town the past couple of weeks. It wouldn't have mattered, I guess. By the time I was thinking about calling him, a few days later, "just to check in," he was already dead. <br />
<br />
Maybe if I'd been the kind of friend to call daily? But that would have felt like interfering, prying, being nosy, in the context of our parent-to-parent friendship. We were close enough to share our kid problems and dilmemmas, to ask each other for favors now and then, to hang out and share pizza occasionally while our kids hung out and played video games or went biking, but not the sort of buddies who call each other daily. Maybe I should have tried harder to be that kind of friend for him.<br />
<br />
He was a good man. He worked hard. He was honest and kind and handsome. He was creative, inventive ... building things, photography, music... He loved his kids more than anything. He was kind to the people at his workplace; the customers loved him, thought of him as a friend or almost as family. He was a good Dad.<br />
<br />
His passing has left a hole in my heart.<br />
<br />
<br />
I hope the kids will be ok. I hope their mom will step up and be a good mom. The kids are going to need her.<br />
<br />
----<br />
<br />
Goodbye, Robert. May your soul find contentment, peace, and love.<br />
<br />LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-8027881564103030412013-07-15T08:00:00.000-07:002013-07-15T08:00:00.667-07:00"Adventure Camp"My son has been visiting my Dad in Virginia for a few weeks this summer. He attended a basketball camp the first week he was there. His report: "It was fun!" He learned a bit about basketball, had a good time with his cousins who were also attending the camp, and yes, he'd like to do it again next year.<br />
<br />
This past week, he attended the accurately-named "Adventure Camp." At this camp, the kids went caving, mud-pit jumping, hiking, swimming, zip-lining, and more. My son’s report: "It was so awesome!!! It was so fun!!! I loved it!!! I want to do it again next week!!!"<br />
<br />
I pressed for details. What made it so great? <br />
<br />
Disclaimer: I may have some of the details not-quite-right. I got part of the story from my son, and part from my Dad, and my son was so excited and talking so fast that it was hard to understand half of what he said, but this is what I got out of what they both told me:<br />
<br />
For starters, he learned that he is, as he put it, "slightly claustrophobic," meaning that when they went caving, he "freaked out" because the walls seemed like they were closing in, and he had to go back outside. But the camp counselors were awesome (and patient) and knew some shortcuts, so after a short while, he agreed to go back in, and they took a couple of the shortcuts and caught up to the rest of the group. He was so proud and happy that he overcame his fear and finished the caving expedition.<br />
<br />
They also got to a place where there was a ledge and they had to jump down about three feet, but they made it, and it was "awesome!" (My son is 10. He is only about four feet tall, and he is generally scared of heights, so this was a huge big deal to him!)<br />
<br />
And then ("the best part!"), coming out the other side, the kids unintentionally re-created a scene from Winnie the Pooh. <br />
<br />
As in, a rather large child got literally stuck in the cave entrance (exit?). <br />
<br />
Some kids were still inside the cave, behind him. Others had already emerged from the cave. So the kids outside pulled and the kids inside pushed and they pulled and pushed and pushed and pulled and ... nothing. Someone eventually called 911. The emergency crews came, and it took them 2 hours to remove the kid from the cave entrance. When he was successfully removed from the cave entrance, there was applause and cheering all ‘round.<br />
<br />
This was, according to my son, "awesome!" <br />
<br />
At first I was a little taken aback, but my son reassured me that the kid was laughing, not crying, and no one was teasing him or making fun of him. They all just thought it was a great adventure, and a great story to tell.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
On a different day, they did some sort of zip-lining. <br />
<br />
A child got stuck at one of the poles when the pulley jammed. He was dangling from the wire many feet above the ground while one of the camp counselors poked at the pulley with a stick. No luck. So another camp counselor had to climb the pole and work him loose. Again, the kid was stuck for about an hour, dangling from a wire, while they got it figured out.<br />
<br />
My son’s report: "Awesome!!" <br />
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Again, the kid was laughing about it, and no one was traumatized, apparently... <br />
<br />
Then on another day, they were swinging on a rope over a giant deep mud pit and doing cannonballs into the mud. My son apparently had a hard time getting out. It was thick and hard to move and.... well, the other kids had to all grab him and pull.<br />
<br />
My son’s report: "Awesome!!"<br />
<br />
As a parent in our "safety first" society, I feel like I should be cringing and swearing I’ll never send him to that camp again and/or trying to get it shut down. Too dangerous or something. But I don’t feel that way at all.<br />
<br />
Instead, as a parent of a kid who is generally somewhat bookish a little timid, but came away from these scary events laughing and saying "Awesome!!" I feel like I ought to be writing the camp directors a big thank you letter.<br />
<br />
Because in the end, no one was seriously injured, everyone came out of things ok, and what the kids learned (whether they realize it or not) was that there IS risk in great adventures. (As my husband would say, it’s that "air of danger" that makes it fun!) And if you’re going to have a great adventure, you need to be willing to accept the risk that something might go wrong. But also, when things do go wrong, you don’t panic, you stick together, you figure out a way to solve the problem, and you laugh about it afterwards because crying about it is just no fun at all.<br />
<br />
So, he had fun, he overcame some fears, and he learned a bit about handling "sticky" situations. Sounds like an "awesome" week to me!LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408799910756042468.post-8399992441431289732013-07-13T12:23:00.001-07:002013-07-13T12:23:21.731-07:00Customer "Service"Here is what I felt like saying to the idiot on the other end of the 1-800 number:<br />
<br />
"I can't decide whether you are being intentionally obtuse because you don't want to tell me what is going on with the check I deposited, or whether you simply don't know and you think I am so stupid that if you just keep repeating over and over again that "we are processing it," I will say, 'oh, ok' and go away."<br />
<br />
Here is what I said instead (I thought it was much kinder. Perhaps it was too kind...): <br />
<br />
"You have repeated the phrase 'we are processing it' four times now. What, specifically, does that mean? What specific actions are you taking to 'process' the check?"<br />
<br />
Here is the response I got:<br />
<br />
"Well, we are processing it. The funds will be available on July 22."<br />
<br />
*****<br />
<br />
Decision made. Intentionally obtuse AND doesn't know jack shit.<br />
<br />
*****<br />
<br />
Thank God for the wonderfully responsive, smart, and kind individuals working at my actual bank branch. I will have the funds available by Monday, which is when I need them!LegalMisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00197525109022776598noreply@blogger.com4