If you look up "Obtuse" in the dictionary, her picture is there...

Here is two minute snippet of how my deposition went on Wednesday.  (The facts have been changed to protect the guilty.)

If the witness would have simply answered "yes," "no," or "I don't know" to my questions, we could have been finished in about 3 hours.  Instead, she acted like this, and it took 6 hours:

* * * *

Me:  While Mr. X worked for you, did Mr. X receive training in Y?

Witness:  I have no personal knowledge of that.

Me:  Do you have any kind of knowledge, other than personal knowledge, regarding whether Mr. X received training regarding Y?

Witness:  No.

Me:  So would it be fair to say that you do not know whether Mr. X received training in Y while he worked for you?

Witness:  Well, I have no personal knowledge about that.  

[Editor's note:  her emphasis, not mine!]

Me:  Is there some kind of knowledge other than personal knowledge that you do have regarding whether Mr. X received training in Y while he worked for you?

Witness:  No.

Me:   So then, if you have no personal knowledge and no other kind of knowledge, do you have any knowledge about it at all?

Witness:  Well, I have no personal knowledge about it.

Me:  When I asked you whether Mr. X received training in Y while he worked for you, is there some reason that you could not simply respond "I don't know" or "I don't have any knowledge about it"?

Witness:  I'm just trying to make things clear.

Me:  It would make things very clear if you could simply answer "yes," "no," or "I don't know" to my questions.  Do you think you can do that, so that things will be more clear and so that we can finish this deposition in a reasonable amount of time?

Witness:   OK.

[Editor's note -- she's already not complying...]

Me:  Did Mr. X receive training in Y while he worked for you?

Witness:  I have no personal knowledge about that.

* * * *

Holy crap.  

Can you spell   "I-N-T-E-N-T-I-O-N-A-L-L-Y   O-B-T-U-S-E"  ?

Bad Choices

Here is an actual true account of a criminal case. This is all from transcripts and case files, so it is all public record; there are no attorney-client confidentiality issues, for anyone who is wondering.

A fellow, we'll call him "Defendant" for purposes of this post, walks into an all-night quickie-mart/gas station at around 2 a.m., picks up two gallons of water, proceeds to the front and places the bottles on the checkout counter, and has a conversation that goes something like this (I do not have the transcripts in front of me, so this is a paraphrase, but is reasonably accurate):

Defendant: "Gimme two gallons of gas, too."

Clerk (looking out the window): "But there's no car out there."

Defendant: "I'm gonna dump out the water and put it in here."

Clerk: "But I can't sell you gas in those containers. You have to buy an approved container. They're over there."

Defendant: "But they're expensive. I won't tell anyone. Just sell me the gas in these bottles."

Other Customer: "No really, you don't want to do that. If you get water in your gas tank, it can ruin your engine."

Defendant: "But I don't need it for my car, I just need it to burn."

So the clerk sold him the gas in the unapproved containers.

About 20 minutes later, the clerk heard sirens and saw fire trucks racing by, and could see smoke rising a short distance away. He called 911 and said he might have some information the police might be interested in. He provided a video of Defendant purchasing the bottles and filling them with gasoline.

Meanwhile, Defendant's ex-girlfriend had awakened and looked out her window to see Defendant pouring fluid from water bottles onto her front porch and into her car, then lighting it with a match. After escaping from her burning apartment, she also called 911 and identified Defendant as the person who had set the fire. He was arrested shortly thereafter and charged with arson.

Did Defendant plead guilty, show remorse and beg for mercy, thereby gaining a more lenient sentence? No, he did not. He insisted on going to trial. His defense at trial? What we call the "SODDI defense." (Pronounced like "soddy", rhymes with "soggy") -- stands for "Some Other Dude Did It."

Needless to say, the jury saw right through it and convicted him, and the judge gave him a nice long sentence. He appealed, and lost there as well. I'm sure this isn't a new insight for most of you, but the bottom line is, most criminals just aren't that bright....