What Could Be Worse?

Have any of you watched "Nip / Tuck" (on FX)? The show is so bad, it's good.

The plots are outrageously ridiculous, shocking, disgusting, depraved even - and they completely lack any semblance of any sort of redeeming social value, so that I hate myself for liking this show - but at the same time, I can't help it. It is hilarious and entertaining. The acting and writing are good. (Really. There's no way I could keep a straight face with some of the situations and lines these actors are given, yet they play it as if it's just their reality. Amazing.) I read somewhere, though, that most of the plastic surgeries requested on the show - outrageous things like "remove the drug-smuggler's cocaine-containing breast implants" and "anal reconstruction" and "make my face look like a cat" and "amputate my leg" - are based on real-life plastic surgeries that have been performed.

Last week's show really cracked me up, though. Here's why:

Does anyone know/remember the character Matt McNamara's history through the show?

Matt has been raised as Sean and Julia's son, although Christian is his biological dad. He considers both of them his "dads" at this point. He also has some adjustment problems, apparently. Right off the bat, in season one, he smoked marijuana with a friend and was involved in a hit & run accident.

So, his parents hire a "life coach" for him. Then he has a sexual relationship with the "life coach," who turns out to be a sexual predator.

The life coach also later turns out to be a transexual (who was also having a sexual relationship with her own biological son), which sends Matt over the edge and to a tranny bar where he picks up a woman and then attacks her when he learns she is a transexual; her friends later attack Matt. Later that season, he dates a racist girl and becomes a skinhead / racist / white supremacist. Later, he makes up with the tranny gal, who kills the supremacist gal's dad with a shovel, if I am remembering correctly. Holy cow.

But that's not all, folks. Later, Matt sleeps with Kimber, the porn star girlfriend of each of his dads at one point or another during this crazy bad show. He converts to scientology while trying to seduce her. (This was around the time Tom Cruise was being a high profile scientologist and Oprah couch-hopper, giving new meaning to the word "nuts").

Matt later tries to extort money from his dads to pay for his and Kimber's crystal meth addiction, by claiming he is broke and needs the money to pay for food for his and Kimber's baby.

And then he is burned in a hotel explosion and fire he caused by cooking meth.

And then he meets a patient in his father's office, falls hard for her, and starts sleeping with her -- only to learn she is his biological sister who had come to L.A. to find her real father, Christian.


So, when your character has been a white supremacist; a meth addict; a scientologist; a lying, cheating, thieving, no-good jerk; has been involved in at least one murder; and already has slept with his father's (fathers'?) porn star girlfriend, his transexual life coach, and his biological sister, what more can you do with / to that character? What can you do to make everyone hate him even more? What could be worse?

Why, of course! (And I can just picture the writers sitting around smoking dope and thinking up this one....)

This season, he decides to pursue his "life's dream" of becoming a ...

* * *

... can you guess? ....


* * *


... scroll down, now....


* * *

...Wait for it!...


* * *

. . . he decides to become a . . . MIME !!


(The look on his two dads' faces when he announced his new life's dream was priceless).

But, of course! If there is any single person out there who still likes this character after all he has done, this will seal the deal! This will get rid of any small amount of sympathy that still exists for this character. Because of course everyone hates a mime!

(Don't they? I can just picture this discussion in the writers' conference room...)

And the kicker is, within the hour, Matt the Mime is holding up a coffee shop with a fake plastic gun. In full makeup. And without saying a word.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Sorry.

I'll be laughing for weeks over that one.

(And I can't wait to watch this week's episode....).