Saturday, February 18, 2017

Update re: divorce status

Things were rough--really rough--for a while.  We are still living in the same house while trying to separate our lives.  It is not easy.  But we are both too stubborn to move out.  I have my reasons, he has his.  Both of us are right.  Both of us are wrong.  As in the rest of our marriage, there is no easy way to resolve the conflict.  So here we both stay.  In separate rooms.  Trying to be civil to each other.  Both wishing the other would just leave already.

He is going to buy the house and pay me for my part of the equity.  Despite a too-low appraisal, we have finally agreed on an amount that he will pay to me for me to sign the house over to him.  Once the cash-out refi/sale closes, I can use my part of the equity money for a down payment to buy a new house.  He thinks I should move out immediately and permanently because he is buying the house.  I think he should move out temporarily while I pack my stuff and prepare to move, both so that I have easy access and time to pack and because all the bills are in my name and I don't think he can afford to pay them all, and I can't afford to rent somewhere else to live and also pay toward his living expenses here.  He could, for example, move into his mom's or his friend's spare bedroom, probably cheaply or for free.  I would have to rent an apartment.

But things are a little better lately.  We almost have all of the terms of the consent decree worked out.  We are coparenting reasonably effectively, as always.  And finally, he is able to talk to me about issues without assuming that (as a lawyer who used to do divorce law) I am automatically trying to screw him over at every turn.  He seems to have finally accepted that I am actually trying to be fair to both of us, but that we might occasionally disagree about what is "fair."

He also seems to have finally understood that he, too, will have the potential for far greater happiness than he has had in recent years after the divorce is final.

Progress.  I am so happy for it!