The Idiot

This story, by Lola at Women: We Shall Overcome (awesome blog), reminded me of an incident that happened to me a few years back.

My husband and I needed something or other from Home Depot. On a Saturday. Oh yeah, you know that's fun, right?

So we drove to the closest one, which happened to be in a very crowded strip mall in Mesa, Arizona, and then we drove around the parking lot for several minutes looking for a parking space.

Finally, success! A car with a person getting into it! So I stopped in the lane and waited for the person to finish getting into her car and back out of her space.

I don't know why, but after getting into her car and starting it, the woman sat there a while, not moving, before veeerrrryy sloooowly beginning to back out of the space.

Meanwhile, a car pulled into the lane and stopped right behind me. Then, a man approached from the left side and behind my car (coming from the store exit) and walked around the front of my car and approached the driver's door of his car, which was parked directly to my right.

And then the man got into the car to my right, started his car, and put it into reverse. . . . And then he started backing up.

I couldn't pull forward or back because of the other cars in the lane, so I hit the horn -- twice quickly and then a loud long blast!

My husband yelled out his open window, "STOP!!"

A man and woman were walking, and then running, up the row and they were waving frantically and yelling "STOP! STOP!"

But the man backed right into my car. Kind of hard. There was a very large dent in the passenger door. We were lucky my husband wasn't injured.

And then the man, hereafter to be known as "The Idiot," got out of his car and yelled at me, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?"

WTF? I tried to remain calm, but it is difficult when faced with such irate stupidity.

So I yelled back at him: "What am I doing? What the hell are you doing? You just backed into MY car! And you knew I was there!! You had to walk around my car to get into yours!!"

"Well you should have moved by now!"

"WHAT?!? Didn't you look behind you before you backed out of your space? You're damn lucky you didn't just run over a person walking!!"

[Under my breath: "God what an idiot!!"]

The Idiot then started to get back in his car, saying he was leaving. I reminded him that Arizona law requires drivers to share their license and insurance information whenever they are involved in a collision. He refused to give it, insisting that the collision wasn't his fault. (Uh, yeah.... right....). Someone called the police on a cell phone, but then someone else said they wouldn't come because it was private property. I don't know if that's true, but the police did not arrive at any time before we left, so maybe it was true.

The Idiot wanted to leave and demanded, loudly, that I "Move that piece of shit car so I can get on with my life!!" . . .

. . . That was the moment when I realized I had the upper hand in this negotiation.

So I smiled, and calmly told him I'd move my car right after we exchanged license and insurance information, as required by Arizona law. I got out a piece of paper and made a big show of (very slowly) recording the make and model of his car, the license plate number, and the VIN from the dashboard.

He yelled at me the entire time -- things like, "This is all your fault, you bitch! Get away from my car!" and "I'll have you arrested for false imprisonment if you don't let me leave!" I told him he was free to go anytime he wanted; but that I wasn't planning to move my car until I had obtained the information I wanted and/or filed the police report. After that I ignored him and wrote down the information. I did not touch his car. The witnesses offered me their names and telephone numbers. I wrote those down, too.

The man yelled some more about what a moron I was and how the collision was all my fault. I smiled politely and said, "Yell all you like, I'm not moving my car until after we have exchanged insurance information, as required by law." I slowly wrote down my own license and insurance information for him. He looked like he wanted to hit me, but the witnesses were still standing there, and my husband looked like he might hit back, so finally the man broke down and got out his license and insurance information, cursing the entire time.

I wrote it down. I moved my car. He drove away. The police still hadn't arrived, so I parked my car in his spot and my husband and I did our shopping and then we drove home.

His insurance later paid to fix my car, with no questions asked. Didn't even need those witnesses. I had the feeling from his agent that this was not the first time The Idiot had done something ... idiotic.

Oh, What a Relief!

LegalMist's daughter's basketball team played an excellent game that came down to the last seconds of overtime on Friday evening. I am very proud of my daughter, even though she did not get a lot of playing time. She did well for the few minutes she was in, playing excellent defense and passing the ball for an assist.

She was disappointed that she didn't get to play more but, as I explained to her, she cannot expect to get a lot of playing time in her first game of the season when she is one of just a few 7th graders on a team of 7th and 8th graders, and the shortest kid on the court to boot. If she continues to play well and improve her skills, she may end up with more playing time per game as the season progresses.

Her team as a whole played great defense, blocking shots, rebounding, intercepting passes, and stealing the ball from the other team frequently. They also handled the ball well, with dead-on passes, good dribbling, and few turnovers. And on offense, they did a great job of finding the open player and taking appropriate shots.

Their shooting skills need improvement, however. Particularly free throws. Those should be "gimme" points, with very few misses. But her team missed quite a few. The other team's field goal and free throw percentages were somewhat better, which made it a very close game all the way, despite the frequent turnovers in favor of my daughter's team.

So I was worried when, in the last 1.4 seconds of overtime, my daughter's team was ahead by one point, and one of the other team's best scorers was taking a shot. One of our players fouled her (appropriately), and the other team's excellent player went to the line for two free throws. If she made them both, they would have won, as it was hugely unlikely our team could have even taken a shot, much less made one, in the remaining 1.4 seconds. (This is not the WNBA). If she even made one free throw, they would have tied and gone on to a second overtime.

It was a very stressful situation for the scorekeeper. I should know, because I had volunteered to fill in as scorekeeper.

----
And here, I digress so that you can more fully understand the stress that your poor attorney blogger was suffering... Holy cow, what a lot of things to track throughout the game! Things I was supposed to keep up with -- for both teams -- included:

* Who played and substituted in for each quarter. (For both teams, remember? There were a couple of times when I was still trying to write down who was in for both teams, and the coaches were already substituting in new players!!).

* For each quarter, I had to track each time a player attempted a shot, and whether it was missed or, if made, whether it was 2 or 3 points -- for both teams, remember?

* For each shot made, I had to track the team's total score -- for ... oh, you remember by now...

* I was supposed to document each free throw taken by any player, and whether it was a one point, two point, or one-and-one situation, and whether the free throws were missed or made, and, of course, the team's resulting total score.

* Each foul - tracked both for individual players and for each team as a whole, with the responsibility to let the referees know if / when either team's fouls put them into the penalty status for each half and/or whether any given player fouled out.

* Each timeout, along with whether it was a 30 second time out or a full time out, which quarter it was in, and which team and player (or coach) called it.

* The score at the end of each quarter, and at the end of the game.

* Double-check that the score at the end of each quarter on the scoreboard matched the totals at the top of my page for each team.

* Double-check that the score at the end of each quarter matched the totals for all the players, as marked for that quarter.

(I'm not really sure what I was supposed to do if those totals didn't match... fortunately, the issue didn't come up).

There may have been more things I was supposed to track, but I didn't. Couldn't. No way. It was hard enough to keep my (probably ADD) self focused on the game without getting distracted for even a few seconds, thereby missing something important like who just made that shot or who that foul was called on, while also writing down those listed things in little tiny columns that started to blur together after about two quarters. (Clearly, I must keep my day job. I do not have a bright future as an official scorer for the NBA / WNBA.)

---
And now, back to our regularly scheduled story:

So, the poor girl on the other team was making her "no pressure" last-second free throws with the outcome of the game hanging in the balance. We all watched, perched on the edge of our seats. She shot one, and it bounced off the rim. There would be no "win" for her team in this overtime... but she still had a chance to tie it up and score another chance to win in a second overtime.

At that point, I was literally praying that she would miss the second shot.... not so that my daughter's team would win (by then, I truly didn't care who won - it was a well-played game on both sides), but because I didn't think I could take the stress of trying to keep score accurately for yet another overtime period!

The second shot went up .... and it bounced around the rim of the basket a couple of times... but then it bounced out! - and my daughter's team won the game!

I felt bad for the girl who missed the shots . . . but oh-so-relieved that the game was not going to a second overtime!

I felt happy for my daughter and her team for their impressive and close win over an excellent opposing team . . . but mostly, I felt relieved that the game was not going to a second overtime!

Am I self-centered and inappropriately focused on my own well-being instead of my daughter's team's big win? Apparently so... But, oh, how happy I felt!!

.

The World Is Full of Them

Ignorant (new) judge made a stupid and legally incorrect ruling this morning in one of my cases. Which will require my client to either lose money she is entitled to, or to spend money she does not have, to appeal the stupid and legally incorrect ruling. She likely will not be able to afford the appeal, in part because she won't get the money she is entitled to because of the stupid ruling by the ignorant judge.

Which just happened to remind me of one of my favorite song lyrics ever:

"Everybody knows, the world is full of stupid people..."

--The Refreshments

Truer words have never been spoken (nor sung).

Here is a video I found on YouTube from a concert here in Arizona, by the Arizona band "The Refreshments" (not to be confused with the Swedish band by the same name), recorded the year my daughter was born.

Little known fact: The Refreshments (the Arizona band) wrote the theme song to "King of the Hill," the long-running (recently cancelled) animated series on FOX, created by Mike Judge.

Another little known fact: King of the Hill was a spinoff from the MTV animated series, Beavis & Butthead. Mr. Hill was a character on that show.

Enjoy!

The Last Dog Days of December

A couple of weeks ago - the Saturday before Christmas, to be exact - the Phoenix Greyhound Park opened its doors to the public for the last time. It's been an institution in Phoenix for about 40 years, and they built a huge new building about 20 years ago, around the time I moved to Phoenix.

The first time I went there, it was a new building with huge glass windows facing the track, packed full of people. It was huge - almost overwhelming. The parking lot was packed. People were dressed to the nines, and they willingly paid a fortune for valet parking so they didn't have to walk across the parking lot in their high heels. There was an upstairs area with a fancy restaurant and clubhouse. It cost extra to go up there. There was a less-fancy downstairs area, with grandstand-style seating and a few tables with less-fancy food service, but it was all new and nice no matter where you were. And there was an outside seating area for the adventurous. Betting windows were open everywhere you looked. Each race was an event, announced with great fanfare - and music, too! People excitedly studied the racing programs, discussed their picks with each other, stood in line to place their bets, and then kicked back with their beer or other drink to laugh with their friends and then watch the race. Some went outside to stand along the fence and cheer for "their" dog.

Fast forward 10 years. Gambling had been legalized on Native American reservations across the country, and the casinos had taken a chunk of the gambling business from the Phoenix Greyhound Park. They closed off a portion of the PGP building, so that you could sit only in half of the downstairs area. There were fewer betting windows open. Half of the parking lot had been fenced off to use for "Park-n-Swap" on weekend days. Still, the place was hopping on weekend nights; valet parking was still more convenient, although certainly not necessary. Parties were held there. People still enjoyed going to the races as an "event."

Another 10 years later, and the place was practically deserted. The entire downstairs area was closed. It seemed somewhat dark and desolate. You could still go upstairs or outside. Very few betting windows were available with live agents - although they opened several "self-serve" windows with automated betting machines to make up for it. The restaurant still served food, although I think only on weekend nights and for limited hours, and there was a small snack bar upstairs. Most of the parking lot was not only fenced off, but also featured permanent "stalls" for the weekend Park-n-Swap vendors. Valet parking may still have been an option, but you certainly didn't need it. It was easy to get a parking place near the door.

Somewhere along the way, they legalized off-track betting in Arizona. This did two things: It allowed people to bet on races at the Phoenix Greyhound Park from other locations, and allowed people to bet on races at other locations from the Phoenix Greyhound Park. PGP added huge banks of televisions inside, showing greyhound races from all across the country. This was convenient for the "hard-core" gamblers, allowing them to bet on multiple races at once both at the track itself and at bars or other locations. But for the casual racetrack attendee, it made the on-site races seem less like an event and more like a slot machine experience. The atmosphere was subdued; the hard-core gamblers don't cheer for their dogs, or sit around talking and laughing. They just study their programs and place their bets. Pick a track, pick a race, pick a dog, hope for the best.

We didn't go to the races often. I've been there maybe 10 times in 20 years. But I have good memories of those times - we had a lot of fun with a lot of friends there - and it was sad watching PGP's decline. When we went one day last year, it just didn't seem like much fun anymore. Too few people were laughing or talking or cheering or celebrating. It was too desolate.

December 19 was the last night PGP was open for business. They still had some races, with off-track betting, through the end of December, but since I don't do off-track betting, December 19 was PGP's last night, for me.

We attended on December 19. It was more crowded than I had seen it in years. I guess lots of people, like us, wanted to see it one last time before it closed. They still had the entire downstairs closed off, but the upstairs was hopping, and outside it was crowded, too. There was a buzz and excitement in the air that I hadn't seen in years. People laughed and talked and cheered for their dogs and celebrated when they won.

We bet on three races - picked a dog to "show" each time, and won each time, for a grand total of $6.10 in profit. Not enough to make us rich, but gambling is always more fun when you win, right?

I also entered a "name that tune" contest and correctly identified the song and band ("Obladi Oblada" by the Beatles) after three notes, winning a PGP golf shirt.

So, to the PGP owners, thanks for the winning evening, thanks for the fun, thanks for the memories....

Las Vegas, in Bullet Points

Here are some strange things we saw on our trip to Las Vegas:

* Leaving town, we stopped at a traffic light. The fellow in front of us, who was driving a 1990's large black sedan of some sort, opened his window and used a whisk broom to brush a small piece of invisible dirt off the side of his car, then closed the window again and drove on. WTF?!?

* 15 men walked by on the sidewalk in front of the Luxor, in a group, each dressed as Mario - red cap, blue overalls, etc. Was there some sort of convention in town?

* Capt. Jack Sparrow and Cat Woman chatting up tourists in front of the Bellagio. What a pair!


Here are some (but not all) of the fun things we did on our very low-budget trip to Las Vegas:

* Checked into our *free* room at Bally's (best possible price, no?).

* Wandered around the strip checking out all the cool stuff in the lobbies and shops at the hotels. The Bellagio and Caesar's Palace are my favorites. The Bellagio, in particular, has beautiful glass flower sculptures hanging from the ceiling in the lobby which were done by Dale Chihuly, whom I've written about here before. They have a gift shop with some smaller pieces you can buy. I don't know how much they cost. I think the rule there is, if you have to ask, you can't afford it.

* Lost a bit of money gambling. Won a bit of money gambling. Lost some more money gambling.

* Took fun and funny perspective photos of us appearing to do unusual things - such as a photo of me seeming to balance the "Paris" neon ball / balloon on my hand, a photo of my husband with his hands on the hood of a parked police car appearing to be arrested, and a photo of me appearing to lick a very phallic-looking sculpture at the Bellagio.

* Drank coffee and watched the other tourists and made catty remarks about their clothes, hair, behavior, and anything else we found amusing.

* Watched the fountain show in front of the Bellagio, choreographed with Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On."

* Gambled some more and drank free drinks and lost a bit more money.

* Listened to the bands at several cafes and bars at Paris and Bally's.

* Checked out of Bally's and moved into our *free* room at the Four Queens downtown (another fantastic price!).

* Ate $1 shrimp coctails at the Golden Gate hotel & casino.

* Gambled and won a bit of money.

* Checked out the vendors on Fremont Street.

* Enjoyed the view of the Vegas lights and casinos from our almost-top-floor hotel room.

* Enjoyed the hippy-dippy "Summer of '69 Woodsdtock TributePalooza" street show (apparently a repeat from August) in front of the Golden Gate hotel on Fremont Street, complete with performers hanging from fabric and/or rings suspended in the air, Cirque du Soleil style.

* Enjoyed the "Fremont Street Experience" overhead light and music show several times (American Pie, Fire and Ice, and Kiss) one night.

* Played slot machines at the Four Queens and won more money.

* Enjoyed a decent buffet meal at the Main Street Station hotel and casino, complete with a darn good prime rib steak, a decent black-bean chili con carne with cornbread, and fresh (not canned) green beans that were cooked perfectly. The fried scallops apparently were fake scallops (like fake crab meat), but the shrimp were real and my husband said the pizza was good, too. The building is done in an old victorian style that is quite charming. I've never seen the rooms, but the lobby and restaurant / buffet area are absolutely beautiful. My husband tells me there is a portion of the actual Berlin wall in the men's restroom, with urinals attached to it. I did not verify this information for myself.

* Played more slot machines at the Main Street Station casino and won even more money!

* Returned home with more money than I took with me to Vegas - a first for me!

And now I have to get back to work. Happy Wednesday, gamblers and fools, happy Wednesday!