AWOL

Sorry I've been gone so long. I missed you all. I've found a couple of minutes here and there to pop in on a few of you, but mostly I've been MIA. AWOL. Whatever alphabet-soup acronym you wish to use to say, "She's been gone an awfully long time."

I hope you all had a great Christmas, Hannukah, Festivus, or whatever other holiday or non-holiday you choose to celebrate.

There is one holiday that all of us in America will celebrate, or at least survive, this week: New Year's Eve and New Year's Day.

I, for one, am looking forward to 2010 on the theory that it just *has to* be better than 2009. Not that 2009 was all bad. In many ways it was better than 2008, for me. It had its low points, though, so I'm hoping for a better year in 2010. And I believe it will be better!

I think, and believe, that the stimulus plan and other policies of the new administration are helping, and that the economy will improve - slowly, perhaps, but still, it will improve - so that will be better.

I hope, and believe, that my clients will have better employment prospects and be able to pay their bills, so that will be better.

I hope, and believe, that I will not have any more dying relatives (or pets!), so that will be better.

I hope my family and I will stay healthy, so that will be good, too.

And I wish the very best for all of you, too. Here's to health, happiness, and lots of fun!

To try to make sure it happens, let's all remember to eat our black-eyed peas this year!! (Click the link for an explanation).

Nip/Tuck Update

Warning: The content of this post is not for the faint of heart, nor anyone who is going to judge me for watching complete garbage on television, nor anyone who is worried their boss might look over their shoulder and wonder what the heck they are reading!

I watched my favorite craptacular show again last night - yes, that's right, it's Nip/Tuck! - and I thought I'd give you a little update, in case you missed it. Ok, it's a long update. So shoot me.

Spoiler alert: They repeat the prior week's episode on Tuesday nights, before the current week's episode on Wednesdays. So if you'd prefer to watch this craptastic crap-fest for yourself and not have all the good parts spoiled, you should stop reading now and tune in to FX next Tuesday instead.

But if you just want to know exactly how bad television can be, then by all means, read on.

The robber-mime went to prison for all those creepy silent robberies he committed. Last week's episode was all about how he was getting raped by one of his fellow prisoners; and about how his plastic-surgeon Dad, Dr. Christian Troy, sold his beloved yacht to pay a $10,000 bribe to the warden to have his son moved "somewhere safe"; and then the warden had him moved to a private cell with the completely creepy and sadistic and abusive rapist; and he begged his plastic surgeon dad to give him breast implants (!) to keep his cellmate happy so he could quit getting beaten to a pulp; and instead his plastic-surgeon dad gives him depo-provera to feed to the cellmate in ho-ho's, which keeps the cellmate from getting erections; and the cellmate finds out and violently attacks our former mime; and at the end the former mime apparently strangles the cellmate in self-defense. (I say apparently because you never know with this show, whether the guy is actually dead.... )

It was a redemption of sorts for our anti-hero. After all, he's no longer a mime, right? (Hahaha, I'm still laughing about the episode when he told his dads he had decided to follow his life's dream to become a mime). And plus, now he's all victim-y, right? And so now we should feel sorry for him instead of hating him, right? Uh, yeah....

Meanwhile, last week's episode also detailed the efforts of Sean and Julia to get custody of their kids back from Julia's mother, who took them after the whole fiasco (a few weeks ago) where Sean's new and creepy, sneaky, scheming, killed-all-her-former-husbands-for-the-insurance-money wife tried to kill him and both of the kids. The new wife tried to kill the kids, too, this time, because Sean was smart -- or stupid? -- enough to make them the insurance beneficiaries instead of the psycho wife... but then she gets.... oh, nevermind, I'll save that juicy tidbit for you to watch during re-run season...

(That was, however, the same episode in which Sean and Julia's daughter was pulling out her hair and eating it (eeeewwww), and then she had horrible stomach cramps and Sean had to remove a hairball the size of Texas from her stomach; and also the episode in which Sean tried to kill himself by swimming naked out into the ocean, apparently hoping to drown or get eaten by sharks....)

... and also last week Julia's mother's boyfriend / husband who is young enough to be her son was suspected of molesting Sean & Julia's daughter (the one who used to eat her hair, yes) and so the mom gives custody back to Julia & Sean and then Julia plants the cocaine in her mom's bag so her mom will be arrested at the airport because Julia wants her mom out of her life forever... and dang, I'm running out of breath here....

(Did I mention that this show is completely and unbelievably awful? And that I simply can't resist it anyway?)

So this week, as usual, I thought it could not possibly get any worse. There can't be anything more depraved, right?

Uh, right, yeah, uh-huh... let me remind, you, "self," that you always think that just before the show reaches a new "low"...


On this week's episode, Barbie and Ken come in for a consultation. I forgot her "real" name. His "real" name was "Skip."

Seriously, they think they are Ken and Barbie. They met at a doll convention 5 years ago and they have a perfect, plastic, sexless life, just like Ken and Barbie, whose marriage has lasted, after all, for 59 years, and it's all because they don't have sex. (No, silly, it's not because they are dolls and the manufacturer can invent any premise it wants. Oh, no, it's because they don't have sex and so there are no weird issues about "ownership" or "jealousy"... uh, yeah ... ok....)

And these two freaks want to be just like those plastic models of the 1950's ideal of human perfection (as Ken says, or something like that anyway) - with a sexless, "perfect" relationship. But, "we're not crazy. Oh, no! We're a great real estate selling team and we've sold more houses in this economy than anyone else in town!" (Wonder how many real estate agents will sue FX over that one?)

They both look plastic and perfect already - just like Barbie and Ken. The doctors look at each other and then at the pair: So what is it they want to change? What could they possibly not like about themselves!?



I sure didn't see it coming...



You'll never guess...




Our Barbie look-alike wants to have her nipples removed, so she won't be constantly aroused. "They're like gumdrops. They're constantly hard!" she complains. Ken has already had his removed. She wants to match. They want to be more perfect, like those dolls. Plus, she wants to get rid of that whole sexual desire thing. She wants the perfect, sexless marriage to the Ken doll.

(Holy Moly am I really watching this crud?)

Then just before the surgery, Dr. Sean is explaining the risks and asking her, essentially, "are you sure about this?" and she is going on about how awful sex is, all that groping and grabbing, maybe a spank on the butt cheek or two, and then it's all about the in and out, the up and down and...

.... cut to a short but forever-seared-into-my-brain truly-craptacular scene of Dr. Christian with another patient in the other room, getting it on in the canine way, slapping a butt cheek or two .... ay yi yi.....


(Holy Moly am I still watching this crud?!? But I just know it will be worth it by the end!)


So Sean removes Barbie's nipples, as asked.

And a couple of weeks later, when she comes in to have the stitches removed, he convinces her she's all wrong about the sex thing and passion is good, and they do it right there in the office. (Too bad he didn't convince her of that before he did the surgery!)


(Have any of you guys ever had sex in your office? No? I thought not. Yet the offices of Doctors Sean and Christian see an awful lot of truly awful action....)


And then later Skip, the Ken-doll look-alike, finds out that Barbie "did the nasty" with Dr. Sean, and comes in to talk to him...

And Sean is concerned; he thinks "Ken" will be angry.

But, no, Ken is not angry. He is thrilled because the revelation about Barbie has "set him free" to be with the one he really loves..... and he wants Dr. McNamara (Sean) to meet his new "friend," whom he met at the doll convention this past year.... a perfect human replica of ....





Wait for it....




Can you guess?....




No?....



I didn't see it coming, either....




OK, then, scroll on down...





"This is Joe."


. . .


Yes, that would be "G.I. Joe" for those of you (like me) who are a little slow on the uptake.* (see footnote)

It took me a minute or two, but then I could not stop laughing. The whole show was like some freaky version of the goofy crap I'd have invented with all my dumb Barbies and Kens and my friend's brother's G.I. Joe action figures at age 9!! (Barbie dates Ken. They change outfits a lot and always look fabulous! Barbie dumps Ken doll for better looking model Ken doll. Snubbed Ken doll hangs with G.I. Joe and goes on "adventures"! ... )



(In case you were wondering, the answers are "yes, Joe was dressed and coiffed to look just like the doll" and "no, Joe did not want his nipples removed, too.")



This show is truly awful, but yet I can't stop laughing. Once again, it was totally worth watching, because I'll laugh all week about it, even though I am embarassed to admit it. And well-acted! I can't even imagine playing these roles without bursting out laughing or cringing every time I had to say or do anything at all and yet, these guys play it as if it's just their real lives. Even when the script is over-the-top ridiculous, you find yourself believing it could really happen. At least until you try to write about it on your blog and realize exactly how spectacularly and ridiculously and crappily awful it all is.

(I'm still laughing, though!)

* * *

*footnote: It does occur to me that this might seem like a mockery of the military and could potentially offend those who are serving in the military. But in the context of the show (which often and in general has an underlying theme of mocking those who seek shallow surface perfection rather than seeking inner peace and goodness), it seemed to me to be mocking the shallow freaks who want to look like dolls, and our culture's general obsession with shallow things like looks instead of substance. It did not come across as a mockery of our enlisted men at all. I will also say my ex-Navy husband caught the joke and was laughing well before I realized "Joe" was "G.I. Joe," so at least one former military person was not offended.

So, if you're offended, sorry.... but it is what it is, and I thought it was hilarious!

I Hate Motorcycle Cops (aka, I Am An Idiot)

I hate motorcycle cops.

All last week and yesterday, the motorcycle cops have been sitting at a particular place on a particular street, and I've been oh-so-careful to drive the speed limit there. There's a big hill going down, then you come up the hill & there's the cop.

Today, I was chatting with my kid while driving, and must have got going too fast down the hill.

I saw the cop, but it was too late.

I got a speeding ticket.

I hate motorcycle cops.

They have only one purpose: to make money for the city by giving out speeding tickets. If they really just wanted to stop people from speeding, they'd give warnings instead, at least for the first time they catch you. But have you ever been given just a warning from a motorcycle cop? No, you have not. Don't lie to me about the time you talked your way out of a motorcycle cop ticket. It might have worked on a regular police officer, sure. But not a motorcycle cop. All they give are actual tickets. I don't think they even have warning slips on those tiny little motorbikes. Just a ticket book.

I get really annoyed because I think of all the crime going on in our city. Just last week, one block over from my house, someone broke into a home and stole lots of jewelry, a flat-screen television, blu-ray disc player, and lots of other items. Any motorcycle cops around to prevent that crime? Heck no, they were all too busy writing speeding tickets. When I first got my car last January, someone stole it in the middle of the night, from right in front of my house! Any motorcycle cops around to prevent that crime? Heck no, they were all too busy writing speeding tickets! A few months back, some kids went through the neighborhood and "tagged" lots of recycle bins, fences, etc. Any motorcycle cops around to prevent that crime? Heck no, they were all too busy writing speeding tickets!!

Stopping the horrible crime of speeding. Oh, I feel so much safer already. (That was sarcasm, in case it didn't come through.)

They always want to give me the song and dance about how speeding is so dangerous. Well, speeding in and of itself is not dangerous. Sure, if you're going horribly fast through a residential neighborhood, that's bad. But on a non-residential street, there aren't any kids or bicycles or pets wandering around in the street. Just a bunch of cars, most of which are exceeding the speed limit. It's more dangerous not to speed - you'll end up getting hit from behind!

The thing that is dangerous is when cars are traveling at vastly different speeds from each other. That is what makes collisions more likely, not the fact of speed itself. If all the cars are traveling at exactly 65 miles per hour on a freeway with a 55 mph speed limit, for example, they are all technically speeding, but the likelihood of any of them hitting the others is between slim and none because they are all moving at the same speed (assuming no one makes a stupid lane change and hits the guy next to him). No one will catch up to another car to hit it.

But if you have one idiot car going 45 miles per hour on the mistaken assumption that it's the speed itself that is bad, and a bunch of normal people driving 60 to 65 mph, then you have a 15-20 mile per hour speed differential - and lot of folks who are not expecting the idiot to be going that slow - and you have traffic flow issues as people come up behind the idiot and hit their brakes and then swerve to go around him and so forth, and then it is ripe for an accident.

Same analysis if you have everyone going the speed limit, 55, and an idiot or three going 75 or 80. The speed differential makes it hard for the idiots to avoid hitting the other cars, as they constantly swerve around them.

The other thing that can make speed unsafe is when you have a head-on collision - two folks hitting each other head on at 55 mph each is definitely a worse crash than two cars colliding when each is traveling at 25 mph.

But this particular road has a median, so a head-on collision is unlikely. And the sidewalk is separated from the road by a concrete barrier. And there is a sign saying "no bikes allowed" on this stretch of road (there's a bike path on the other side) And there are no roads coming in from the side in the particular stretch where I was speeding.

All of which means the chances of a collision there are between slim and none. And in fact, there is hardly ever an accident in that particular spot. The only time I've ever seen an accident there is during rush hour, when it is bumper-to-bumper stop and go traffic moving at between 0 and 10 mph, and some idiot talking on a cell phone bumps the car in front of him. But that's not a speeding problem, now is it? There was no need for a motorcycle cop to even sit at that stretch of the road looking for speeders. Unless you are the city government and you want to make money.

And in my particular case, there weren't even any other cars nearby - just a couple of cars behind me, so there was no chance I was going to hit them! (Which is probably part of the reason I was going so fast - no other cars around, just open road. Why not go a little faster? Really!)

The motorcycle cop's purpose had to have been to make money, not to prevent unsafe driving, or even to stop speeding. There was no chance of a collision. And he accomplished his purpose of stopping me from speeding the minute he pulled me over. I'll be a lot more careful now. The ticket was totally unnecessary, and all it does is make money for the city.

I know government budgets are tight, but my budget is tight right now, too. This economy sucks, and clients aren't paying their bills as promptly as they used to. Some of them aren't paying at all. And now I'll have to scramble to come up with the money to pay for the "defensive driving" class (I'll save that rant for another day!) so I won't get points on my license and have my insurance rates go up, too. Aarrgghh.

I hate motorcycle cops.

* * *

I'm also a big idiot.

I've seen the motorcycle cops out there for over a week, and I still went speeding past without a care in the world.

Really, how stupid is that?!?

Perhaps it proves I wasn't paying enough attention to the road and was a potential driving hazard.

Maybe I deserved the ticket after all....

NaBloPoMo Ends

Last day of National Blog Posting Month.

Woo hoo! I made it! A post a day for a month....

And now I'll resume my regular posting schedule, which is to say, irregular at best!

Sunday School Stew

No, not that kind of stew. Not the Sunday church kind of School, either. No, my Sunday School Stew is based on the following definitions:

Sunday, n., day of the week before Monday.
School, n., where my kid is supposed to learn stuff.
Stew, n., agitation resulting from active worry.

Read on, if you can take a lengthy rant about my frustration with my son's education (or lack of education). And please, if you have any ideas that might be helpful, leave them in the comments section.

My daughter flew through Kindergarten and First Grade. My son, not so much.

He is a smart kid (sometimes a little too much of a smart-alec), and he has a good memory in general, especially for social information. For example, the week he started preschool, his teacher talked about a horse she had when she was a kid. She did not mention the horse again. Three months later, he asked her whatever happened to her horse. She did not remember even mentioning the horse and asked him how he knew she had a horse. He said, "Miss L, you told us about your horse when I was new here." He can also spout a ton of information about his favorite Bakugan characters and what they can do. Clearly, he can remember information if it is important to him.

But he has a few problems my daughter did not have.

First, I think he is a little ADD or ADHD. He often has trouble sitting still for very long - although he is able to focus and build fairly complex things with his legos and Lincoln logs. My mom (a licensed Ph.D psychologist) has been doing some testing with him and says the tests definitely indicate at least mild ADD / ADHD. His ability level consistently tracks significantly above average, and tracks well above his achievement level (which is below average), and he has trouble focusing on boring tasks for extended periods of time.

I hesitate to have him officially diagnosed, as I'm not sure what good that would do. IEP's can be a good thing, but they can also be trouble with a capital T, as I've discovered with some of the cases I've been litigating on behalf of some clients lately. And I'm not sure yet about the medication issue. I know it is good for a lot of kids, and it might be right for my son, but I'd like to try other solutions before turning to labeling and medication.

Second - and I think a much bigger factor - is that I think he did not get the same fundamental drilling and instruction that my daughter had in Kindergarten, and I think he's not getting solid instruction now, either. When my daughter was in Kindergarten, they sat in a group and said aloud the letters and sounds every single day. They also did the number chart every single day, counting by ones, then fives, then tens, learning to add by ones and tens. The letter and number charts were prominently displayed in the room. I never saw a letter or number chart in my son's Kindergarten classroom (he is at a different school, supposedly a better school than the one my daughter attended). They sent home a letter chart, but he insisted his teacher said he did not have to do the letter combinations and sounds on the back (initial letter combinations and dipthongs such as ch, sh, ph, ou, ow, oi, ie, and fundamental building blocks like -ing, etc). He has trouble recognizing and reading those sounds now, in First Grade.

Third, he has an older sister who is hyper-competitive and cannot stand to think that her little brother might know something she does not, so she constantly tells him he "can't do" things and points out things that she knows that he does not. As a result, he is not motivated to try something if he does not immediately know it. I think he is afraid he'll be teased if he's wrong. I've tried everything with my daughter to get her to quit treating him this way, and she's getting better about it, but the damage will take a while to undo.

He had troubles learning to read last year. He didn't even want to try. I worked and worked at it and finally got him motivated to try. We did the letter charts, and then got out the "Dick and Jane" book. (Literally. It's cringe-worthy, but effective). Once he tried, he saw that he could do it and became more motivated. We still read every night for at least 15 minutes. He reads me a story, then I read him one. Sometimes he gets so excited, he wants to read me two stories. He still has trouble with some sounds, but his reading is much improved and he is tracking along at grade level, at least.

This year, he has had problems with spelling. He is at least motivated to try, but has a lot of trouble with it. His grades are ok, in part because I spend 15 minutes every morning working on his spelling with him. I talk to him about the sounds certain letter combinations make and we practice the words with those combinations, sometimes even making up other words. For example, if "ball" and "wall" are on the list, I'll ask him how to spell "mall" and "call," and he can do it. But when the teacher puts old words from a week or two prior on this week's list, it is like they are new words for him. He has to learn them all over again. What's with that?

I asked his teacher about it. I asked what method she's using in class to teach spelling so I can reinforce it more effectively at home. She said, "well, it seems to me you just have to memorize how to spell all the words." She also said she is having trouble keeping all the kids in line, having them pay attention to the spelling lessons.

Holy cow, no wonder the kid is having trouble. If she's truly not giving the kids any spelling rules, just random lists of words to spell, no wonder it's so hard for him. I mean, can you imagine memorizing the spelling of all the hundreds of thousands of words in the English language with no guidance at all about how certain sounds are generally spelled?!? And no wonder he seems to tune me out when I talk about spelling rules. It probably seems to him like random boring stuff mom has come up with, not relevant to what his teacher told him at school about just needing to memorize the words.

So, I'm working on that. We'll do flashcards with the words. We'll talk about spelling rules (even if I have to look up a bunch of stuff on the internet to make sure I'm remembering things correctly). Eventually, hopefully, he'll "get it" and have an easier time with spelling.

But now it turns out he's having issues with math, too. This week, his teacher wants him to memorize math facts such as 2+2=4, 3+3=6, 4+4=8, and so forth up to 9+9=18, plus 10+1=11 up to 10+1=19. But again, she seems not to have provided any foundation of rules or a method of understanding what it means to "add" these particular numbers. Maybe he was supposed to learn that in Kindergarten and it's not her "job" to teach it? I really don't know.

I just know that when I asked my son about it, he seemed to have no concept of what it means to "add" four plus four. I showed him 4 fingers on one hand and 4 fingers on the other hand, and he can count up to 8 and answer. But then I asked, "what's 5 plus 5" and he had no idea how to do that. And forget about 9 plus 9 - there aren't enough fingers for that one, even if he did understand the concept!

So, I made him a number chart on Friday (he said he had not seen one like it before) and we played with it all weekend. We started by simply identifying random numbers on the chart. He couldn't do it consistently at first but we practiced and now he can. Then we practiced "adding 1" to given numbers. He finally seemed to "get it." So we practiced "adding 2" to numbers. He finally could do that, too. We talked about what it means to "count by ones." Then we talked about what it means to "count by fives." We practiced counting by 5's, which he can now do. We practiced "adding 10" to given numbers, and he seems to "get" that, too. He seems to finally understand the relationships between the numbers on the chart - this one is one more than that one; this one is ten more than that one. He even counted by fives up to 200, even though the chart only goes to 100.

But he still hasn't memorized this week's math facts. He can do all the 10+x problems up to 19. After having practiced with the number chart, he "gets" it that all you have to do is replace the 0 with the number you're adding to 10. But having spent a couple of hours just learning to count properly by ones and fives and tens (things he should have learned in Kindergarten, I think!), we didn't have time to learn how to add the other numbers or to memorize the fact that 9+9=18. And those problems aren't as obvious from the chart, either.

And I'm not sure how to explain much more. I don't feel qualified to teach elementary mathematics. I was good at math in school, but I'm not trained to teach it, and first grade was too long ago - I don't remember what my teachers did to teach me. My husband is a teacher, but he teaches sixth grade, not first. Plus, he seems to think the school should teach our son and we shouldn't have to. I agree in principle, but if it's not happening, then what should I do, just sit there and watch him fall further behind?

I am a little resentful. If I wanted to home-school my son, I would have done that. But as it is, I have a job. I can't stay home all day to home-school the kids and I don't really want to. I want my kids to interact with the other kids and to be exposed to a variety of teachers and cultures and ideas.

And, done right, school (with the variety of teachers trained for different subjects such as math and music and P.E. and so forth) should be able to teach the kids more, and more effectively, than I could.

Plus, it's not fair to my son to have to go to school all day and then come home for another hour of lessons, plus 15 minutes of spelling every morning.

He has above-average intelligence. He sometimes lacks focus, but I have had very little trouble getting him to focus on math or spelling for 15 to 30 minutes at a time, and he learns the information fairly quickly when he focuses. I want the school system to teach him what he needs to know, but so far, it doesn't seem to be happening.

I'll be visiting the classroom to see exactly what the teacher does all day with the kids and to offer assistance. If the instruction seems appropriate but she truly is overwhelmed with a lot of behavior problems, maybe I can round up some parent volunteers (including me) to take turns coming in every day to help keep the kids in line so she can teach. And if the problem seems to be that my son isn't listening / paying attention, not that she's not teaching, then I'll keep supplementing and consider the ADD issue further. But if the instruction seems to be lacking, and it's not about behavior problems with the kids and/or my son, then I'll talk with her and/or with the principal about what she could do to teach spelling and math more effectively.

But meanwhile, does anyone know anything about teaching basic math to 6 year olds? Any good web sites I can look at? Any ideas for teaching addition?

Or am I crazy for thinking First Graders should learn math theory? Should I just use the flash cards and have him "just memorize" the basic math facts, as his teacher seems to want? If that is the recommended method, the thing that all schools do and that all kids need to do, then that's what we'll do.... it just seems to me like you'd explain the concepts first and teach how to add, and what it means to add, not just have kids memorize random facts. But maybe I'm just nuts.

Does anyone have any other ideas for what I can do to help my son learn - not just math, but spelling, too?

Saturday Shopping

We went shopping this evening. At the first store, we pulled into the parking lot. It was packed. So I drove along, looking up each row to see if I could see any place to park (easier / faster than driving up and down every row).

About four rows past the entrance, I spotted someone leaving, about four spaces up the row. I put on my turn signal to turn left into the row and waited for the car to back out and then exit that row, then had to wait because a car was coming from the other direction and I didn't want to turn left directly in front of the car.

So the car pulled up, turned right and parked in "my" parking space. I guess she thought my turn signal meant, "look over there, there's a space!"

I was pretty miffed. I mean, was that rude, or was that just "survival of the fittest" and I should adopt the same aggressive attitude and cut in front of the car next time?

So I drove up the row anyway; no other spaces. Went over a few rows seeing no other spaces, and then headed back down the row right in front of the entrance. A car was just leaving. From the first spot, closest to the door. And it wasn't even a reserved / handicapped spot. Parking bliss! No trek across the lot with two kids; no trek back across the lot with arms full of bags and two kids!

I parked; we got out of the car; we walked into the store.

The woman who cut me off to park in "my" spot four rows over walked in right behind us.

My husband said I should have thanked her for her wonderful holiday spirit in taking the worse parking spot so I could have the better one.

Friday Feature - i am bossy

Today's Friday Feature - extremely late, I might add (sorry, bossy) is i am bossy. Her blog is just plain fun.

Check out her fun features in the sidebar (featured gay, poverty party, favorite things), fun attitude, and fun topics.

I'll post late again tomorrow, in the hopes that everyone will have a chance to read this and drop by bossy's blog.

Happy reading, bossy friends, happy reading!

Happy Thanksgiving, Lawyer Style

Happy Thanksgiving!*


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Anticipating Thanksgiving

I love this holiday. I am (shall I say it?) thankful for this holiday! I love the food. Comfort food, and lots of it. I love having two days off from work. I love an excuse to invite friends and family to share a meal and an afternoon of fun. I love football.

Here is what's on our menu this year:

A few appetizers: cheese and crackers, nuts, fruits

Then, the main event:

A huge turkey (20 pounds so we can be sure to have lots of leftovers) with stuffing and awesome gravy.

Homemade cranberry sauce (from real cranberries! mmmmmm.....)

Canned cranberry sauce, because some folks (read: mother in law) just can't live without it and it's so cheap and easy and why not just make them happy?

Mashed potatoes and awesome gravy.

Glazed and roasted sweet potatoes.

Sweet potato casserole with marshmallows on top (too sweet for me, but the kids love it).

Glazed carrots.

Salad with cranberries and apples and feta cheese.

Green bean casserole, made with porcini mushrooms and cream.

Corn and peas, from the freezer, because the kids don't like the salad or the green bean casserole (foolish children, but what can you do?).

Homemade rolls.

Tea.

And white wine... And red wine... lots of red or white wine for those who aren't driving.

And beer for those who prefer it.

And soda for those who prefer that.

And milk for the kids.


And the desserts.... oh, the desserts!

There will apple pie with ice cream,

and ice cream sundaes,

and chocolate cheesecake,

and - my very favorite thing in the whole wide world! - pumpkin pie with lots of whipped cream.

And coffee. Lots of coffee. With Kahlua if you want it. And whipped cream.

And we will eat and talk and eat and talk and then when we can't eat anymore, we'll clean the kitchen and talk some more, and the kids will play and the dog will get some table scraps and everyone will take some leftovers home for lunch the next day.

Does life get any better than that?

I can hardly wait until tomorrow!

"Stank You Bury Much"

My son is, and always has been, a very polite young fellow.

This doesn't mean he's always pleasant to be around. Sometimes he can annoy you to no end by asking question after question after question after question after.... well, you get the idea.

Other times, he'll whine and wheedle and bug the heck out of you asking for you to get him some toy or other that he saw on tv, or to let him have ice cream, or to take him to the park. He can be relentless.

But if you get annoyed and raise your voice to tell him to knock it off, he'll smile and say, "OK Mommy" or "OK Daddy" and then he stops.

My husband says he's a very accommodating pain in the ass.

He also generally asks politely for what he wants, as in "Please can I have some milk?"

(Well, maybe I should say he asks politely when he's not playing the "passive aggressive" game and saying things like, "Hmm. No milk tonight? I thought we'd have milk with our dinner...." I think he gets this from my mother-in-law. My husband thinks he gets it from my mother. Go figure.)

And then when you get the milk for him, he likes to express his appreciation. Trouble is, until recently, his words of appreciation sounded like "Stank you."

As if he were saying "you stink."

It was adorable and made me smile every time.

I especially liked his version of "thank you very much": "Stank you bury much." What's that you say? I stink and need to be buried? Like brown nuggets in the cat box?

It was all I could do not to laugh every time I heard that one. But I just smiled and encouraged his good manners. Isn't that what moms get paid the big bucks for?

He's been working on correct pronunciation this year, and I think "Stank you" is a thing of the past. I'll miss the cheap chuckles every day, but it's for the best. I wouldn't want him going off to college and "Stanking" up the place.

* * * *

Lately, I've been getting a new comment nearly every day on this post, from February. I knew it was a good post when I wrote it. But why so many comments now, 8 months later?

Some of the comments are in French, some in Arabic, some in Russian.

Wow, am I getting so many comments because it was such a witty and engaging post that all across the world, people are referring others to that excellent post to read LegalMist's amazing words? I wish I could read French, and Arabic, and Russian to see what they are saying about my most brilliant post!

Oh, but wait, what are those links .... ?

Links that consist of names for certain "private" products and activities that I don't want to mention here for fear of attracting even more spammish comments to this post.

I'm glad I have the comment moderation turned on so I can just reject the comments rather than having to go in and clean up the stinky mess every day.

* * * * *

So, to all you spammers out there, I'd like to say: STANK YOU for the comments. STANK YOU BURY MUCH.