Thursday, February 9, 2012

Puns In My Email

Pun fun for the educated mind...and maybe even you!

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a nonprophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One said, "I've lost my electron." The other said "Are you sure?" The first replied, "Yes, I'm positive."

25. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.


Silliyak said...

How can you tell if a person is agnostic, dyslectic insomniac? Is they lie awake at night wondering if there IS a Dog.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

I enjoyed that!

Thanks so much.

Scope said...

At a Boy Scout camp in the Florida Keys, the Boys Scouts got into the habit of feeding dolphins their leftovers after breakfast. It became such a tradition that when the cook rang the bell for breakfast, they would start frolicking right off shore.

So one day, the camp cook rang the bell and shouted: "Breakfast is served, for all in tents and porpoises."

Janie Junebug said...

I'm not crazy about puns, but some of these were cute. Maybe I'm not smart enough for pun fun.


Mulled Vine said...

Loved these!

Mulled Vine said...

Two church mice knocked on our day one day, saying "We've come to talk to you about cheeses."

SkylersDad said...

Those were great, I liked #21 the best!

Silliyak said...

Better late than never... After the fall of communism, the Moscow TV station kept the weatherman, named Rudolph, on even though he was a staunch communist. A husband and wife were arguing over the wisdom of this when the wife pointed out that "Rudolph the Red knows rain dear!"